When the child hits your inner child

[Judymay]

So probably around a month ago I was caught in a flashback moment where I was being yelled at cowering and it was then I realised that my inner child is still neglected and crying please someone hear and understand me. I'd love to say I started the hard work but I haven't. I tried to read somethings and honestly besides the trigger of everything encouraging you to rely on your support system that I don't have any of, I am still in the harmful environment so I cannot heal or delve into the situation until I feel safe. 

Anyway my 12 year old niece wrote this letter today. It's been a hard year. We've never missed out on so much and been so apart and yet here she is still trying to share hope and when I read you understand me and listen to me. My dissociation that I've spent weeks on holding broke in a moment. I've given the 12 year old what my 35 old self still cries for. Not really sure what to do with that yet but I will hold it close, knowing despite what I'm missing I gave to her.

 

[Just]

@Judymay I read your pain. But unfortunately can't read your letter. This is triggering for me and I feel like I'm going to be physically sick. Know I send my deepest wishes for a happy lining soon.

[Fredd50]

I feel for both of you so much 

It’s really hard when we still have pain from childhood 

I hope maybe those of us who have missed out on the support we needed as children can learn to give it to each other

sending you both prayers and wishes

[Gremlin24]

@Judymay this really hits hard. But it just goes to show that those of us that suffered so much in childhood do our absolute best to not allow anyone else to feel how we did during that time. Please allow yourself to accept that you have helped your niece more than you could ever imagine. I hope things change for you soon and that you can start to heal yourself. 

Sending you lots of love ❤️ 

[MJG017]

@Judymay  What a beautiful letter!  It's clear you mean so much, and have been such a great support to your niece.  It's so difficult to want to heal that pain from childhood and find some peace from it.  I find that sometimes it helps me to use past pain i've endured to allow me to understand people close to me better and be far more empathetic and caring than I would be without that history.  It at least makes me feel like I have found some positivity from it by being the person for others that I wish I had had. Hopefully you can find yourself in a much safer place soon and can spend more time with your niece.