I need advice

[ocdsurvivor1234]

I miss my ex friend deeply. We had a friendship I had with nobody else. We were like the same person in different fonts. We shared so many of the same interests: music, poetry, movies, painting, drawing, reading... 

I felt as though we had a deep connection. We often confided in one another. She was, for a time, the only person I confided in.

Now, I feel alone. She told me she doesn't feel like she can revisit the friendship. Which I am trying to respect. I love her, I am just sad. It's true, we drifted. Life got in the way. Both of us are at fault for this happening. But I miss her so much, everyday. I think of her each day. I'm so depressed because of it. I saw her today at the beach. I talked with our mutual friend but she didn't say anything to me. I knew she wasn't interested. If I had it my way, we would've talked. But it didn't feel right.

I need help on how to move on. Im trying to do my hobbies. I just don't know how long this is going to take. I want it to be over now so I can move on.

[tacocat]

Hi @ocdsurvivor1234 

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to the forums.

As frustrating and cliched as it sounds, it takes as long as it takes. As long as you are trying your best to move on and look after yourself, you're doing well. Trying to speed up the process will only make things worse. 

That's been my experience, anyway...

[Cleo2]

@ocdsurvivor1234 Just to add to @tacocat 's advice, things change over the years, as will you. You are allowed a tiny bit of hope.

[Ipponka]

I'm so sorry @ocdsurvivor1234, you mentioned how it seems that you were "both at fault" but I would encourage you to see it as "no one did anything wrong". It's really unfortunately that your friend seems to have made this decision out of the blue and doesn't seem willing to go through any process of reconciliation.

I just want to acknowledge how strong and considerate you must be to not push or challenge her decision, it might now feel like it, you might even just be avoiding another round of rejection but I see it as someone who is taking steps to respect the wishes of someone they care about and that is something worth acknowledging. You might see from my post history that I am going through something similar and I really need to be able to take my own advice. But something I am really trying to internalise is that her decision ultimately, comes down to her needs, and it wouldn't be fair on yourself to see this as a reflection of your worth as a friend.

Thanks for sharing, I sincerely hope you are doing as well as you can and I want to you to know that I recognise that you're doing your best for yourself, trying to get more into those hobbies. I would only suggest that you look to try and emotionally and physically nourish yourself. I personally struggle to answer this but if you can answer "what do you need to feel better/get through today" you are already many steps ahead of me. You're not alone in feeling lost, stuck and lonely. I'm right there with you.

Stay well. I am struggling to feel heard and have someone to talk to as well, as amazing as all my friends are, they are busy with their families, partners and so and so.

I'll keep an eye out for replies on this thread, I've also seen that everyone on this forum are relatively amazing.