Beyond livid & beside myself

[Fah]

Yeah feeling a lot more grounded since I posted! 
am still grappling with things but feeling a lot more hopeful and strong 💪 

thanks so much for checking in!

definitely a lot to process still

[Fah]

Thank you!

Yea me and bf are navigating it and still have a very strong hopeful connection which has been somewhat of an anchor as I navigate this shitstorm which is realising my mums narcissism….. it’s so fkn hard to live with her and process at the same time… feeling a bit trapped and exhausted honestly 

[lavenderhaze]

Hey @Fah,

That sounds incredibly tough. It's good to hear that you and your boyfriend are staying strong and supportive of each other—having someone in your corner makes a big difference. Dealing with a narcissistic parent is extremely draining, especially while handling everything else. Take some time, even if it's just a few minutes, to breathe and reset. You're not alone in this, and feeling exhausted is okay. You're doing the best you can, and that's enough. Hang in there; we're here for you if you need to vent or chat. 💜

[Fah]

Thanks heaps… gonna vent

got a lot on my plate atm and can’t sleep tonight it’s3am think I’m overly excited

ive got a few physical health things going on so I’m off work too rn

doing good things like walks and hanging w friends etc

i just hate feeling scared in my own home and needing to leave everyday for soace

i sat in my car and cried this morning. A lot. 

trying to process some of it and it’s absolutely overwhelming 

bf is kinda clueless emotionally sometimes. Hoping couples therapy tonight helps…… think we just need to focus on that to keep me afloat rn

on A positive I may be moving out temporarily. It’ll give me space to heal. But am overthinking it majorly. It’s a good price. Am checking it out tomorrow

am also a bit overwhelmed w how I feel my 20s have been wasted cus of mums control….. made a bucket list to sort of relive my carefree years… Am maybe overplanning and overwhelming myself w big decisions which isn’t helpful rn

id love to do something drastic like travel Europe for a year or smth!!! F it haha

i don’t wanna live in regrets

rn I regret the amount of control I gave my mum and how she completely ruled my entire existence and how my compassionate soft heart was taken advantage of and I’m mourning the lack of childhood I had bc of her unhealthiness. I was basically her therapist as a 6 year old… like wtf

im incredibly hurt realising the person I love and trusted the most completely manipulated me for her own gain. That’s absolutely fucked 

There’s so much more to vent but that’s all for tonight … 🥴

[Ainjoule]

Good on you @Fah for venting and getting it out. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Going for walks and hanging with friends is great. And sounds like you have big plans for what you want to do. Going around Europe for a year sounds awesome. And having the space to heal would be great as well. 

[OM108]

@Fah 

Great work in venting and letting off some steam! 

Certainly is hard to find clarity. When your mind is busy and overwhelmed...you cant sleep anymore and that creates more stress and overwhelm.

Sounds like you are being proactive and moving forward with your life... getting couples therapy and looking for another place to live away from the pain of being around your mother etc. It is a lot to process and can be physically and mentally very tiring. I hope you will be gentle with yourself as you navigate it all. It is ok to make decisions that arent 100% sustainable... right now i sense you need to find a new sense of stability and independence. You seem to have enough resilience and strength to find your own way. Know that you are worthy of a good life and that we wish that for you.

[Fah]

Thanks heaps!

so good newsssss I’m moving out next week!!! So happy to have the independence and space to breathe and heal ❤️

am feeling slightly overwhelmed w how much needs to be done by then. Am working thru it tho 🙂 making a list 

yay!!!! Freedooooomnmnnmm

[OM108]

@Fah 

yes!!!

big yay for you !!!!

space to breathe and heal....oh my goodness that sounds amazing!

wishing you all of that and more.

take care of yourself and hold your vision high.

[Fah]

Thanks heaps!

am away with bf going really well!

feeling very restless though! Mixed feelings coming up finally being out of home…. It’s too much to process & can’t sleep. Wth do yall do to sleep in this state? Tried venting, crying, music, dancing, still up & feeling soooo low. Guess sleep deprivation does that to a person 😅🤪

Honestly tempted to do some dumb shit that will make shit worse, won’t tho

im just dreaming of travelling and doing me! That’s what’s keeping me going

[OM108]

@Fah 

Mother relationships run very deep and it is understandable that you will be having grief, regrets and mixed emotions. And above all living through emotional turbulence sucks away lots of energy...which can leave you feeling low and deflated. It takes time to heal the wounds and digest and process all that has happened. Talking with therapist/counsellor might be an idea? Check out the support offered at SANE Get support (sane.org)

When my mind is busy and I feel low like that, I find the best things is to rest as much as possible and eat nourishing food and go for long walks. If you can't get to sleep then perhaps try soaking in a warm bath with epsom salts (magnesium) and/or drink warm milk (perhaps with pinch of turmeric and honey). Or get your bf to give you a massage with warm oil or do some other things that tend to slow down your thoughts and relax your body. Sometimes simply trying to read a book can put you to sleep....