Beyond livid & beside myself

[Fah]

I’m fkn beyond exhausted and absolutely furious

ive just realised how bloody manipulative my mum is. She’s the closest person too me and has been using coercive control etc and it’s absolutely fucked

and I’m living at home

i I want nothing to f ing do with her

on top of all that my  boyfriend has been dishonest with me. Nothing huge like cheating but a betrayal of trust nonetheless. I understand it’s from his trauma but like if I can’t trust you we can’t be together…. His word means nothing to me now and I can’t believe I put myself in this situation

irs no wonder I’m having suicidal thoughts. escapism no plan

im just not ok right now and don’t know how to deal with all this anger sadness etc

[Friendlyflutter]

Hey @Fah 

Welcome on the forums, it seems like there are a lot of things happening right now for you. It can be really hard to build that trust again, once you feel like it is broken. 

I am concerned about you. 

I have sent you an email, please have a look and respond to it. 

[Fah]

Thanks saw ur email

am safe

just having a rough patch

inknow I’ll get thru it 

eventually 

nice to know someone cares ❤️

[OM108]

@Fah 

please reach out here whenever you need to 

we care and are here if you need to vent some emotional pain.

feeling betrayed is tough. it can feel like the floor just got pulled out from under your feet. takes time to regain a sense of trust in anything.

do you have any things or self care practices that can help give you a sense of grounding and support?

[Fah]

Yeah thanks I’m gonna vent a little 

i think it’s cause my 2 most intimate relationships have just had major realisations at once…..

spoke to bf today and it’s quite positive that he’s taking responsibility and reading a relationship book and getting back into community and going to share w a friend to keep him accountable 

and in the past he has worked on things and grown

but doesn’t change the fact that I’m struggling to tell him stuff bc I don’t trust him completely to open up like I was before

then my mum…. She’s so manipulative and tries to use coercive control

im always angry around her then she shames me for being angry. It’s not ok

i just want to stay in my room away from her. I’m so anxious all the time and feeling low for a few days since the bf thing….. 

just had a family dinner and it’s just soooo frustrating (w extended family) I don’t feel they get me and they yell at me “bc they care and are on the same team”. Sure, then emotionally act like it

hkw are ppl so emotionally immature?! Far out 

[tyme]

Hey @OM108 , I believe the above post is for you 🙂

[tyme]

Argghhhh @Fah - such is life?

Firstly, I have to welcome you to the forums. Although it may on be on the happiest note, at least you have found your way here. 

My name is tyme, and I'm the Community Lead on the forums.

I moved out of home pretty early due to my mental health. When I say early, I mean my late teens. I needed space to find my feet and work through my mental health.

I recognise parents can get frustrating sometimes, yet if you are not in a position to move out, it sounds like it's something to work through.

I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced challenged with your boyfriend, and on top of that, you have your mother to contend with.

What are things you can do to give yourself some breathing room?

I'm so glad to read that you have been able to speak to your bf and he listened and took some ownership. At least that's a start?

[OM108]

@Fah 

I definitely hear you about anger towards mother and not feeling understood by family at all. 

It has helped me over the years to sit with myself gently and feel the grief and sadness that surrounds a dysfunctional family relationship. Music and also nature have been my best friends on this journey....to allow the tears to flow and to release pent up emotions. Anger is not really a feeling in itself...it is a signal that there are deep needs that have not been met... and/or intense feelings of sadness, grief etc....that have been suppressed or unexpressed. 

Be kind to yourself ....go slowly and gently and discover ways to nurture your own inner child. You can become the mother you have always longed for...the mother who loves unconditionally and generously.

I have had to find ways to nourish my own soul and regain trust in the universe to give me what i need. I love music and singing in harmony in a choir is one of the best medicine for me. I do drumming and also have a flute and ukelele which i take into nature or play at the beach at sunrise.

The universe does listen....

PS good news that your bf is trying to change....nourish yourself in healthy ways and give him space to do the work on himself.

[MJG017]

@FahIt sounds like we have similar mothers.  It so much more difficult when we cant count on the people we should be able to rely on the most.  I hope today is a slightly better day for you.  At least it sounds like your boyfriend is trying.  I understand the trust issues right now, but hopefully that improves and you may both come through this stronger than ever. 

[tyme]

Hi @Fah ,

How's everything going for you? We haven't heard from you in a while so I thought I'd check in.