im back..... i think

[Anony18]

Hi @outlander glad to hear you resisted from the 2nd urge. Sorry wasn't there last night as you went through those feelings. I hope you are feeling slightly better today?! I don't understand personally about SH but I admit I sometimes have thoughts that something really bad happens to me and takes me away from this world. I do hope in time you are able to resist those urges more. The mods appear to be quite good to support you and I hope we can give that same support to help you get through it all.

What are your plans for today and this weekend my dearest friend?

[outlander]

@Anony18 all i want to do is SH again and the urges are still strong

nothing else seems to work anymore

i didnt SH for 2 months until last night

and yes the mods are quite good but sometims the urges take over either way

hmm well ive withdrawn from everyone and everythign and im avoiding completely everything

but im being forced to go to a stupid baby shower for some cousin of mine that i very very rarely see nor do i speak to them or the people going so this will be so  much fun and im trying to think of a way to get out of it

my mother and no one else will know about the SH and the si@#hes so im trying to be very careful with them

and the rest i dont know

i dont really care what happens to me anymore- im not worth trying to give it my all anymore

i guess whatever happens happens whether i want it to or not just like the SA and everything else

[Anony18]

Try to resist those urges @outlander. I know it has to be tough but try. A huge HUG for you my friend. 

Am aware you may not care what happens to you but we all care here on the forums. Me saying this is not to pressure you or make you feel bad. Not my intention. Just to know I am here whatever it is and I care a great deal for you. 

I saw this just then and thought of you xx

[outlander]

thanks @Anony18 

i seriously just want to cry to release something... anything... but i cant

thansk for being here  Anony and i know you mean well its written all in your personality.

and that quote is very true

[outlander]

@Owlunar @NikNik @Anony18 @CherryBomb

Those urges are beyobd belief again and im.sad and upset and i cant do it

[NikNik]

Hi @outlander

You can do it. I've seen you do it before and I believe in you.

Would me posting that list of distractions be helpful?

What ended up helping you last night?

[outlander]

i dont want to keep fighting @NikNik i dont have any energy to keep fighting it

today so far ive tried art, cleaning and keeping busy but i am sore atm, doing the clothes washing, watching a funny tv series but its not helping me very much

ive tired NikNIk

[Anony18]

@outlander do you think crying will help release some of these feelings and inklings of SH? If so, are you able to watch a "crying" movie to help with that. 

[NikNik]

I know you may not feel it, but you are doing a great job @outlander and I know you're trying really hard.
If just hanging out here in the Forums is helpful, we will be around to support and encourage you.
What was it that got your to fight through those 2nd round of urges last night?

[outlander]

@Anony18 i cant cry- theres nothing there- its jsut overwhelmingly sad with extremely strong urges to SH

@NikNik talking to you helped abit over emails/forum and then i went to bed and lsitened to music and tried to focus on the words on the songs and jsut closed my eyes hoping id go to sleep