im back..... i think

[outlander]

@CherryBomb@Anony18@Former-Member@Shaz51

I know people on here have said to just take the step back from the bullies and to just not worry about them. But its me who has to live with this- I dont even know what I did.
I cant go to my horses anymore because it causes me to to much anxiety and this one one thing that use to help me get through the tough times and where I could feel safe and now its been taken away from me.
Ive tried to push past this but I cant escape it. This is life and I need to go there by myself tomorrow to do the small pony in the yard. I havent done him for 3 days because I cant get myself down there because of this.

I told my mother the concerns I have- I said to her ive been waiting for the girls to get home so I can take them down with me as I dont want to go there by myself because if they are there
and she pretty much just told me to get over it and just go there

its not that easy- they dont stare at her and over exagerate their laughs from across the paddock so they make sure I can hear them. They snear at me when they walk past me or they have a very rude mannor around me even when im just sitting or standing holding my horse not even near them
theres 2 gates and they are closer to one while im at the other gate and they deliberatley walk through the gate that im standing near instead of taking 5 steps towards their own gate

they rudley nearly hit one of my horses the other day because I was in the way and instead of asking me to move they just kept inching their car closer- I know they wouldnt have hit them but its beside the point

I offered to help them with their horses and they turned it around and did some thing to annoy and and it was directed directly at me
and then they made fun of my riding and training skills- long story
my horse riding was the only thing I had left that I had abit of faith in- not that I thought I was good to start with but besides the point- that I was doing soemthing good, succeeding at something and now thats been taken away from me

we use to compete out horses together at horse shows- we both havent been for a long time now and the way its going I will never be going again. But we use to compete and we always congratuated each other when we beat each other and I was always happy for her as she worked hard for it

when I won- well she wasnt too happy but we didnt stop being friends. Now everytime I ride she makes me doubt myself so baad or always tries to compete against me and not in a fun way either, shes even getting someone to worj on her horse at the moment and she kept deliberatley coming near me nd smirking as if to say haha I have a better horse than you- hands down she does with the horse I have at the moment but im also doing this on my own she has a lot of people helping her with her horses- and when I say deliberatey I mean it im at one corner no where near where she is and when I start coming in she will take up the whole room and pretty much get in the way of what im doing

I deleted them off facebook to just try sort it out abit without getting to angry at what they were doing and now they have both blocked me and I know they are talking about me now because any contacts that were mutal friends with me are now gone too

I use to talk to one of them everyday and we would stay at each others houses. We were ike sisters if not closer than sisters. We use to talk about everything, everyday. We would go camping with each other and her dad taught me how to go fishing and then we went away for a week with her and her family. And now its nothing but torment.
I hate dealing with this- its really defeated me

I never though I would let a bully/ies get to me but they have and badly. I cant even see their name now.
I know I should just get over it and ignore them but it hasnt worked so far so I doubt itll work in the future as it just seem to keep getting worse. Her mum use to talk to me and guess what now she doesnt she avoids me pretty much at all costs

I have to do this horse tomorrow but im too scared to even go there by myself but I calso cant stand that the horse is suffering too now and I never ever do that- to me my horses come before my feelings but at the moment I cant do it

[Anony18]

@outlander - I hear you. Although yes we have mentioned try not to worry about them and take a step back, it is easier said than done. As you said it is you in that situation and each individual deals with it differently. All we can ask is for you to try and support you if that is not possible. 

I hear what you saying that it is difficult and it gives you anxiety to head out to your horses. What those girls are doing to you is unfair and immature. If I could I would give them my 2 cents. I am sorry that your mum is not supportive and that she just telling you to get over it. It is hard when you have all these questions and when you feel alone. Just know you are not. Your family on these forums are with you. You know if I could I would physically hold your hand and walk out with you, help you with your horses. If I had magic I would make an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter had for you. All I can offer to you outlander is just my words and to tell you that know that I am there spiritually next to you, holding your hand when you do this - be it today, tomorrow, next week, next month etc. 

[outlander]

thanks @Anony18 

its jsut so hard and again i probably wont go tomorrow either- im avoiding it as much as possible

life isnt very fair

and i know if you could you would be with me and i know the forum is my family

[Anony18]

I hear ya @outlander

Life isn't fair alright. But just by trying our best to cope with what we given it's a sign of strength even if we end up falling at times. Try not to be discouraged xx

[outlander]

ok @Anony18

i dont feel very good

[Former-Member]

I'm still here with you @outlander
Are you watching any greys anatomy tonight?

[CherryBomb]

Hi @outlander,

I can't imagine how isolating this would feel for you. Bullying is so SO terrible. It can eat away at self-esteem and erode your sense of self. It's really disappointing to hear about your mum's response to this. Sometimes parents just don't get the impact that is has on people. Bullying can have a significant impact. 

Bullies usually find scapegoats to take out their frustrations and issues on. It's not a reflection on you, it more a reflection of how low their own self-esteem is - they need to squash someone else's to feel better about themselves. Don't let them do this.  What they're doing is really not ok. Is there anyone else you can tell? Maybe someone who runs the stables? 

[outlander]

thanks @Former-Member 

yeah ive got the final 2 episodes to watch tonight and ill be headin to bed to watch them soon.  i dont want it to be the final 2 episodes 😞 i want to watch more and after that i have nothing else to watch until i get more. you cna come lay with me if you like and watch them with me

im in need to go to the  Barossa Valley at the moment though cause im not feeling too good- might need to get in to see my gp soon as i feel really sick and anti- nausea nor anti-acid tabets havent worked yet

and this cold isnt helping me out either and i keep doing verps at the moment

[outlander]

@CherryBomb

ive never felt more alone than what i do now and i think i wouldnt be here now if it iwasnt for the forums keeping me slightly sane

no one cares- im not surprised about that either- they havent supported me for a long time except for being a slave

oh she gets it Cherry- its just me if it was one of my younger sisters good grief it wouldve been sorted out along time ago

they squashed me-  if i could get any more squashed id be burried- im already slding around on my belly ike a snake to even get out- avoiding people, hiding away, tryiny not to get noticed so no one has a reason for anything

i ahve no one else to talk to other than on here- i havent got any other supports

and the property owner probably wouldnt be happy be happy about whats going on but shes already had too much drama there and also her mum is very sick as well so i dont want to bother her with it

[CherryBomb]

You're not alone @outlander, we're here for you.

I went through something similar in my early teens, and it's horrible. Funnily enough the girls that gave me grief ended up being quite unpopular within a few years, and I ended up with more friends. The point of this story is that it didn't last forever and it got better.