Trying to stay Sane

[Bow]

Nothing to apologise at all for @Anastasia!

im really sorry that you are not doing ok, but I am honestly not surprised. You have had so much on your plate lately, giving so much of yourself, you were bound to reach a point of breaking. I really hope your dr can be of help for you. And I also hope that your work is being understanding. 

[Anastasia]

Thank you @Bow 

I feel weak, like I should be able to return to work and "get on with life". I know that's not rational but it's how it feels because everything around me hasn't changed, everyone relying on me have the same expectations they did before. There seems to be no grace so I feel like I must be the crazy one on the different page... Some colleagues haven't even mentioned it, it's just business as usual! What's with that? 

I'm expected to return to the office next week and now leaving my boy home alone is at an all new level on my anxiety radar.

I have worked from home for as long as I remember, the seperation anxiety has me physically sick. 

I just don't know what to do, something needs to give and I'm fearful that it is my own sanity as I am feeling very vulnerable.

Sorry to vent, I wish I had the answers. I wish I was stronger, more resilient. I'm not the first person togo through this and I won't be the last, I just need to pull myself together for goodness sake!!!!! 

[HenryX]

Hello @Anastasia 

I hear where you are at. A friend said to me when Mum passed away how he had felt, after his mother passed away, as if the world should have changed and yet everything just carried on. It sounds like you are very much in that space at the present time, and I can say that I know how it feels.

When you say that,

"I'm not the first person to go through this and I won't be the last, I just need to pull myself together for goodness sake!!!!"

You are right about not being the first or last, but the thing is that the others around you are not actually going through it now, so they simply cannot comprehend what your space is like at the present time. That certainly does not excuse indifference or lack of understanding and empathy. Others still know how raw feelings can feel.

I would encourage you not to try too hard to "pull yourself together", but to allow yourself the space to understand how you are feeling and not to pull yourself away from those feelings too quickly.

With the Very Best Wishes that I have to Offer

@HenryX 

[Bow]

Please please give yourself some more grace @Anastasia  you deserve it. Is it at all possible to take some time off work? It really sounds like you need it. Compassionate leave, annual leave, sick leave? Anything. 

You work colleagues- some people just don’t know what to say. It’s sad really. People just think it’s best not to say anything. We should all have lessons in what to say in times like this cause although people feel it’s best to say nothing than to say the wrong thing, it can be harder. 

can you do something nice for yourself over the weekend? 
💕

[BlueBay]

hi @Anastasia thinking of you lovely

pls give yourself some space 

take care of you, i understand 

sending you lots of love and care

xxxxoooo

[pancakes]

@Anastasia I’m so sorry, I don’t have the words but I’m sending you so much love my friend 💙💙💙💙💙

[outlander]

sending love @Anastasia

[NatureLover]

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@Anastasia wrote:

I feel weak, like I should be able to return to work and "get on with life".

...

I wish I was stronger, more resilient. I'm not the first person togo through this and I won't be the last, I just need to pull myself together for goodness sake!!!!! 

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My dear friend @Anastasia ...everyone copes differently, and you have had some massive and tragic blows lately. Please don't put added pressure on yourself just because your workplace is. I'm upset that your workplace is not at all understanding, but I hope you won't put yourself on their level, as you are so much more. 

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@Anastasia wrote:

I'm expected to return to the office next week

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Does this mean, every day in at the office from now on? I am sorry to hear 😞 I'm guessing that your boy is not in a good place? 😞

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@Anastasia wrote:

leaving my boy home alone is at an all new level on my anxiety radar.

I have worked from home for as long as I remember, the seperation anxiety has me physically sick. 

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Oh no 😞 Am sending wishes...

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@Anastasia wrote:

I just don't know what to do, something needs to give and I'm fearful that it is my own sanity as I am feeling very vulnerable.

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I am sending urgent wishes that you can get a medical certificate on Monday for at least a few days, hopefully a week...what time is your GP appt on Monday? 

Lots of 💚

[NatureLover]

@Anastasia  can't find any recent news from you, but please know I am sending wishes for all your family and especially you. Much 💚 as always. 

[Anastasia]

Thank you @NatureLover 🌻

No real news, I'm just plodding along. My bf said I should take the week off. I have two appointments, one for me and one for Mum this coming week. I'm scared to ask for the time off. My boss did say they could get a temp and I take extended leave without pay, that's a bit confronting. Whilst I don't really want to go back, extended leavet would mean training someone, not something I'm comfortable to do with covid nor am I in the right headspace. So a week will have to do for now. Thank you for checking on me x