PTSD and dementia

[Mene]

Must say that having read a few entries I feel my problems are small. My husband is a Vietnam veteran with PTSD. He spent many years lost in an alcoholic fog and was verbally abusive to me and at times his children. I protected them as much as possible. They have grown up to be beautiful women now married with children of their own. They were hard days and his remarks were very hurtful at times and are still with me today. However for better for worse , old school that's me and we're still together. He stopped drinking some 15 years ago and just when life was settling down the memory issues started. He is going down the dementia path now. I do feel as if we were robbed of a father and husband through alcohol and now dementia. Life is so unfair at times. Yes I get very lonely as I cannot go out and join clubs as other seniors do nor does my husband enjoy going anywhere socially. He was very social when drinking . I do sometimes wonder how life would have been for me and the girls if I had left him all those years ago. I also wonder if he hadn't been sent to Vietnam how life would have been. He has no idea of how he treated us and other people in his younger days and would probably not believe anyone if he was told. In fact I'm sure he would be devastated. He regrets missing out on his girls growing up and says he was never a good father or husband. I enjoy walking which I do in the mornings before he gets out of bed as he's not at the wandering stage yet. I take in my surroundings , be it the beach or bush and try and live for the moment. I am on my ipad a lot on social media ,keeping in touch daily with my girls and other friends. Thank you for this forum , it's good as no one knows who we are and sometimes just writing things down is a great help. Brilliant idea thanks again

[Used2Be]

It is good that you are looking after yourself by going walking, and by staying connected through the internet. This is a good place to share your feelings.

[CherryBomb]

Welcome Mene! 

There's no measure of problems on here. No matter how small things seem, if it's something that's affecting you, that's important, so we always welcome sharing here. 

It seems like not only do you feel robbed of a husband and father, but also of your social life too. Sounds like just when things started to get better, soon after they started to get worse. You've been caring for so much of your life that there's been little time for you. 

It's great to hear that you make time to go for walks, and take in the moment. These moments are so important. Caring can feel pretty lonely, so I'm happy to see that you're on here. Looking forward to seeing more of you. 

[Mene]

Thank you this seems to be just the place I have been looking for

[Used2Be]

I didn't mention in my post that my husband also has ptsd. I can understand the feeling of not recognising who they become, and them not recognising themselves andvtheir behaviour. I know it may not feel like it at times, but I am sure your husband appreciates all your support, through his battle with the bottle and the related issues. My children are just 14 and 11, so it gives me great encouragement to hear that your kuds coped with the drama too - thanks to a great mum! I am also limted socially, as I am not Australian born, and have found it difficult to make friends in the 7 years we have been here, in part due ti my dh's struggles. Keep looking after yourself.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi,

How are you?? I cant write at the moment but have read your message and I am smiling because of your love you wrap around your family.

Yes, I really enjoy this forum and I can see where its helping me as well.

Will catch up later tonight,

[PeppiPatty]

Hi Mene,

Since Iv've read your comments two memories, maybe three have come back to me relating to Vietnam veterans.

In 2003-2006 I went to California three or four times and I met Vietnam veterans both living on the street and living in a home. I also had the honour of speaking to one Vietnam Veteran. I went out with someone and met them outside a bar so with that person close by...I spoke to him for a while. fortunately, it was in a safe place where I was protected

. .... also, I handed over furniture to two...vietman vets.....picking up furniture for charity from my recently deceased Grandmothers home. I spoke to them for about half an hour.

With support from my father in 2003, I was supporting someone get into a men's refuge in my city. where he went, I visited him a couple of times and met a wonderful Vietnam veteran living there.

with these memories, I would like to write back to you point by point, if that's okay.
I am no therapist......actually, I am thinking that's it about group therapy these days. I am answering back only from intuition, from my.own experience. I am not a professional. I'm just an avid believer in sharing your story .....and the community.

My first belief, is that your children understood the situation of their father and they have good foundations. this is what You gave them. you gave them good foundations. that's amazing. they could love going to school, being young. Being together. there are many painful memories. Can you remember any good ones?

If you can think of all those poor Vietnam vets: in this country .....and in the USA......... who can't live in a home......there was no help,,they just packed their bags and spend their
Iives travelling from one city to the next.

You gave the strength to your family for him to stay. He may have taken advantage of your good nature more times than once though but you kept the family together. 'Old school.'

It would be difficult to remember all the times when you protected your children. but you can think of how you can turn the past into something creative for your grandchildren. Can you draw like a series of cartoons on his life and end it by drawing.....and for the love of his family....he stopped drinking. you could purchase some coloured paper and cut images out of coloured paper.....something enjoyable for all to see.