Living with a partner who has BPD/PTSD and ADHD! Want to know if anyone else has this trifecta and could give some insight into how I could cope.

[Thedriver81]

Found this site while searching for support for partners of someone who suffers from this debilitating trifecta. We have been together for 12 years, have 3 kids. I’m at my wits end. On the precipice of staying or leaving. I hear that BPD is treatable, but what about BPD+complex PTSD? The episodes of meltdowns and irrational angry outbursts are getting too frequent. I’ve taken keeping to myself and letting him have his rant: blames the world for everything, self medicated to feel nothing. It’s a vicious cycle. 

[tyme]

Welcome to the forums @Thedriver81 . 

I was quite 'excited' to read your post because, yes, I fit the bill. BPD/PTSD and most likely ADHD (in the process of getting a diagnosis because all the signs and symptoms are there).

Yes, BPD, is very very treatable. But the person needs to want it. And in order to want it, they need to see that there is an issue.

I was only recently sharing my story and strategies with another member facing similar struggles. Have a read here: https://saneforums.org/t5/Friends-families-and-carers/BPD-partner-I-need-help/td-p/1606703

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and any other questions.

[Thedriver81]

Hey there, 

yes I have read your response to the other person and did get some really good insight. 
only thing is, I live with this person, so there is no “I’ll come back at 6pm or check on you” part. 
another thing I should mention is I’m at this stage where I’ve become somewhat numb to my partners outbursts. Like I’ve become close to mute when he talks. Because I know anything I say is useless because he is already triggered. Now I just leave and go to another room. And I have to admit, I have no empathy left. Like I have given up trying. If he takes off, I just let him be. I’m mentally drained and I have 3 kids at home to think of. So without him being around kind of feels nice. I don’t think he has gone off to harm himself, more like to get more drugs to numb himself. 
i don’t even know what questions to ask to be honest. Still in the midst of this turmoil. 

i guess when the dust settles and he comes back. 

you mentioned it’s treatable. What treatment have you found to be effective for BPD+complex PTSD? I’ve heard of DBT… anything else?

[OutofIdeas]

I feel your pain.   It is extremely difficult and you have the added worry of caring for 3 children.   My son has a trifecta also - he is 30 but I dont know what trifecta or more that it is because he refuses to seek help - its the world of course not him.    Has your partner considered getting help?  I would imagine there was in the past if you already have a diagnosis but wondering if it stopped for some reason.   I can only suggest that when things are "good" that you have a discussion and let him open up to you about how he is feeling and you could validate without blame and then explain how you are feeling.   If the thought of you leaving is scary for him it might be the trigger he needs to take some action and you can support him by saying you are in it together and want to save your family.  I wish you luck and send prayers.