Ask Anything Monday!

[Jo]

I'm an ardent believer in 'it's not the person talking/behaving in this way. It's the illness.' I learnt this a long time ago. However, I find it difficult to believe that clinical depression alone could cause the behaviours of your husband. Is it possible to talk him into going to a good psychiatrist for a second opinion re his diagnosis? I really feel for you. It must be extremely difficult living with this.

[Maple]

You are quite right Jo, I believe he has Bi Polar or something like that.... maybe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but he refused to continue ongoing treatment which included a Psycologist. He went for a short time, seemed keen on getting some help and then as usual on these merry-go-rounds he decided he didnt need to go...shut down on me and thought the world was against him.

I cant get through to him when like this. Then aftre some time, can be days or weeks he is back (so to speak) and sorry and wants to do better. We are in that place now....I am seeing a councillor this week and he says he will see one with me. But who knows, that can change any time between now and then.

You are right about the illness, its not the person....but gee sometimes I find I am so challenged with the behaviour it is really hard to remember this.

Thanks

[Maple]

I agree, I have found that I have posted messages in places that I hadn't meant them to be. Like the original question has gone?

[Shaz51]

Hello welcome to the forum ,

I agree with @Jo

Is it possible to talk her into going to a good psychiatrist for a second opinion re her diagnosis? I really feel for you. It must be extremely difficult living with this.

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

A big thanks to @Shaz51 @Maple @Jo for your contributions to last week's Ask Anything Monday question.

This week's question:

So this is very personal, but my fiancee has both anxiety and depression. Since her mother's passing away just over a year ago these illnesses have grown. We live together in an apartment but are having trouble paying for it. A lot of our problems can be solved by taking care of a few things like re-enrolling in uni and getting her to do the things to get her life back on track after taking a year off of uni. I understand that all these things are hard for her to do because of the anxiety, but I can't figure out how to get her to do them and every time I try she just gets more and more anxious until she shuts down and won't attempt any of them. 

How can I help her to help herself?

[Jo]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Both for your fiancee and for you. The first question I'd want to ask is this. Is your fiancee on medication to help relieve her anxiety and depression? If not, I'd say that would have to be the first step. If she is on medication, my suggestion would be to see her doctor and re-assess the actual medication. Some medications work brilliantly for some people but either have no eggect, or create awful side effects for others. Your fiancee needs a kind, compassionate and patient doctor. Because it might be that she will need to experiment with some other medications. And maybe even after that, experiment with the actual dosages. Until the right medication and the right dosage has been accomplished. Once this happens, she will automatically feel much better and much more motivated to accomplish her goals.

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

Thanks @Jo for your thoughtful response to last week's question. This week's question is:

I am concerned for the welfare of a child that is living with her mother who has a mental illness and is getting some social and community support. I know the mother and child have a very close relationship and do mostly cope on a day to day basis. However there some things about their living standards that I find a bit unsettling. I do not live close enough to offer regular support. Do the community members have any ideas on what I could do to help out?

Thanks.

[Eagle]

This is such a senstive and tricky matter. I completely understand why you would like some feedback on this difficult matter.

If the child is displaying any signs of abuse, it's really important to notify Department of Family and Community Services, though it sounds like the son is quite safe.

What is a great sign is that the mother is getting social and community support. It means that there are other people involved who would catch on to red flags if there were any, so please don't feel like all of this rests on your shoulders.

The other positive is that the other and son have a close relationship. Love, a sense of safety and compassion is critical to a child's development, and from what you have said, he's getting that.

I'm not sure what involvement you have in their lives, but it sounds like any support you feel comfortable sharing, would be so beneficial to both the mother and son. Offering a lift if it makes sense to (perhaps your children are going to the same place the son is and you can swing by) or just letting the mum know you care, all can go a long way.

[Shaz51]

Hello , welcome to the forum

I totally agree with @Eagle

The other positive is that the other and son have a close relationship. Love, a sense of safety and compassion is critical to a child's development, and from what you have said, he's getting that.

What is a great sign is that the mother is getting social and community support. It means that there are other people involved who would catch on to red flags if there were any, so please don't feel like all of this rests on your shoulders.

[NikNik]

Hi everyone - we're a bit early this week with Ask Anything Monday, but we felt we should make it a priority to post this one earlier.

Thanks @Shaz51 , @Eagle , @Jo and @Maple for your responses over the past few weeks.

The question is:

I have a question, my daughter has severe anxiety & depression & won’t take her medication or go to a therapist. My daughter sits lots of the day & can’t seem to move. She has her own accommodation at present but wants to move home, I have said no until she starts to be proactive in her recovery. How far do you let the person go - she is 32 yrs