Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

[NikNik]

ASK ANYTHING MONDAY !

For those who are new to the community, Ask Anything Monday (AAM) is an opportunity for those who may bit a bit hesitant to ask a question, to email us (team@saneforums.org) and we put the question up on your behalf, completely anonymously. Even though the Forums are anonymous, some members don't feel comfortable, feel like they may be judged or just nervous about posting for the first time.

So if you fall into any of those categories, please drop us an email with your question.

This week's question is something I think a lot of carers can relate to, regardless of who you care for:

My husband and I have been together for a long time now. I'm somewhat comfortable and accepting of my caring role. The only thing I've never got use to is the guilt I feel when I have negative thoughts about my husband. For example, last week I had a great day, but dreaded going home to my husband because he's been particularly unwell. All I wanted to do was go home and share my excitement, but I knew there was no point, because when he's unwell, he can't see past himself.

I understand why he's like this etc - but my main thing is the guilt I feel about thinking these things!

Does anyone else feel this way and if so, how do you manage it?

[PeppiPatty]

hello.....i'm so glad that I'm back..I've sorted out my stuff.

@NikNik. ..is this lady me ? Jeepers....I'm so there......

I'm not going to beat around the bush but just get straight to the point....keep on adding support.

Its the thing that gets me through. 

It feels like you have already taken this curvy groovy step into your interesting life.

It's not what 'normal,' people do....be in love with someone who suffers times of mental ill health. I'm right there.....I have also done that.

Please please get support. I have one person  who is my special friend. We work hard on our friendship. I actually asked him to be my special friend. I see my GP all the time, have a councellor. Belong to a community group in my suburb. Belong to sane forums. Your going to have negative thoughts........Personally, I've been spending too much time with my ex husband......we seperated for 2 years. But for the last two days, I've been feeling like I want to strangle him. 

So, i go and see my support friend and chat to him. 

SIlver Chain in for help with cleaning and 3 hours social support....

I seperated from my absolutely intelligent, beautiful husband for 2 years. When he started writing to me, I asked him not to write for three months while I thought about it. Truthfully, not only does he annoy me with his .....s.l.o.w.n.e.s.s. but I wanted to be single.

But oh, the good outweighs the bad! I cannot commit yet. But oh, his intelligence, his compassion! He teaches me so much. 

Did you know....As I remember......The actor, Paul Newman  said why he never cheated on his wife. He said 64% nighmare, 46% joy, why have spaghetti when i can go home for steak? That was in my words. 

[BeHappy]

I agree with @PeppiPatty, support is a very important. 

I think when you care for someone it can get pretty tiring, and if you don't get rest, you can start feeling angry at that person, and then you can start to feel guilty for haboring negative feelings. I can relate!

Don't be hard on yourself, take some time out, and care for you. I think feeling tired and guilty is normal for carers. In my opinion it's because you care for you husband, and not having positive feelings can feel odd, and not right. I think we can set up unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We don't and can always be happy, and sometimes we will want time to ourselves and not want to be our partners. This is ok. It may be sign that you just need some time out to relax.

[NikNik]

Thanks @PeppiPatty and @BeHappy for your great responses.

This week's Ask Anything Monday question:

Hi

Please give me some advice and information on my current situation. I am a single mother with 2 young kids age 9 and 12 years and I am currently have a 55 years old aunt living with me. She has been diagnosed with  schizophrenia for over 30 years.

In the past 2 and half years she has been staying with me because her boyfriend kicked her out and had no where to stay so I offered her to let her stay at my house temporary. In the last 6 months she is constantly becoming aggressive and verbally abusive towards me, blaming and accusing me of taking her things because she misplaced them. She hallucinates and starts seeing things and hearing voices. She accused me of releasing snakes in the house and say that there is a man constantly following her around, thus this leads to constant nightmares at night where my kids and I can hear her screaming.

Her aggressive and abusive behavior is upsetting the kids and I. I also fear for the safety of the kids. I have asked her to move out several occasion in the last 3 months but she refused to move out, because she is afraid to live by herself. I even offer her my 2 bedrooms townhouse that she can stay rent free on the condition that she pays all expenses like electricity, water ,council rate and strata fees once a year which only total about $6k year. She claim its to expensive and she cant afford it. Currently she only pay me $50/week.

She received the pension and also working part time. What do I need to do if she refused to leave because I don't want to call the police on her. I have rang the mental hospital and they advised me to call the ambulance if she becomes aggressive.

The whole situation is making my kids unhappy and they are scared of her every time they come home from school. Normally she would be fine,act and talk like a normal person but when she has her mood swing. Its likes she a totally different person. Please advice me on this situation because I am going insane soon if i have to cope with her living with me any further, but mainly I am more concern for our safety just in case she might become violent.

Thanks

[PeppiPatty]

call the police. The number is 000 

Its an unfortunate situation but your children fear her. 

[Desi]

It sounds like you really have been a great support to your aunt and done alot to help her get on her feet. She has had plenty of time to to get well and organise a pension and to be working. You've been very supportive and you are amazing!

The time has come to put yourself and your children first. You say you've tried a couple of times to have her move out, I wonder if you have other family to help you move her on?

I had a similar situation and needed to feel safe in my own home. I contacted organisations for crisis accomodation but because the person wasnt homeless the org couldnt help. After giving 7 days notice  I locked him out of the house. When he became abusive and violent I phoned the police who took him to hopsital for treatment and medication.

Its a hard time for you, you've done an amazing job. I hope you have support for yourself and kids.

[NikNik]

Happy Monday All!

For those who are first timers to AAM, the purpose is to help new members who don't know where to post for the first time, or they are apprehensive to make that first step. So we help them out. By emailing us your question team@saneforums.org , we post your question up here on a Monday and let the community respond. No one will know who posted it and hopefully it will help you with what you're looking for (& encourage you to post for the first time too!)

This week's question:

My daughter is going to be taken in as a planned inpatient soon. This is a really positive step forward and  my daughter is complying!

The psychiatrist asked if I had any questions, but my mind was totally blank. She said to compile some questions and email them through when I'm ready. This is the first time my daughter has been hospitalised, so I feel like I don't know, what I don't know!

Anybody got any experience of this? What might I need to know/ask that I may not have thought about?

[Bookworm_90]

Hey there!

I've been an inpatient twice - once unplanned in a public facility at 16 and once planned in a private facility at 20. There are many things you might want to know, and some should be covered in an orientation package, I would assume.

Things my parents would've liked to know before I was admitted: when are visiting times? how can we contact our daughter? can she have leave? Will she be put on medication? Will we be able to access her medical record / be told information about what is going on?

Things I would've like to know: What clothes should I bring? Will I have my own room? What is the food like? What are therapy sessions like? What happens if I refuse (for whatever reason) to engage in a session? What do I do if I find a session to overwhelming?

I don't know of any of this helps, but hopefully it might give you a starting point to ask from.

[Desi]

Sounds like this is welcome news to you and your daughter, I feel like saying congratulations and wonder if this is appropriate? I'm thinking it is as she's complying, and to me it sounds like she's in a good headspace to get well.

I'm wondering what my list of questions might be. I'd like to know whether she can take her smokes and if we should bring along her meds. Visiting times, can we bring in food? Can we phone during the day and if so what times?

From my daughters one experience as an inpatient, we followed the comprehensive list of number of clothing, bed linen, no personal items etc. For her the biggest problem was handing over her mobile phone and laptop. She was lost without her movies.

I can remember the admission day, and how shocked and upset we both were when I was told to leave, pretty much straight after signing her in and paying the upfront fee. We were both in tears. I wonder if this played a part in her not staying long enough to get any benefit from treatment... 4 days from when she arrived.

Is that a question to ask? I wonder if as a planned inpatient does this mean your daughter can't check out when she feels like it?

Thank you for posting your question. What have you decided to ask the doctor?

[Appleblossom]

When my son was admitted it was unplanned and in an under 25 yo facility. I was surprised by how much they encouraged me to be with him in the high dependancy unit ... I had very long visiting times any time of day (1-4 hours) as that was what both him staff encouraged.

I would be asking about therapy sessions, medication and doses and length of time to be taken.  I found the staff very helpful at explaining and making me feel welcome. Questions will arise as you go through it.

Yes they discourage the computer addictions which I think is necessary ... good luck with it.  I hope some plans are put in place to help your daughter develop her life to her full potential.