Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome to the forum

Hi @NikNik

I agree with @Faith-and-Hope

You are not alone in your circumstances.  There are many other forum members that are in similar situation as you

 you are amongst compassionate friends here and we will help you any way we can .... and we will walk along with you as you come to terms with your situation.

with me My husband has been diagnosed with a lot of things , so when he is ok ,he does the same and when he is low he says other things , but I love him and I have told him that we will get through this together

[Maple]

Hi there, I have a partner/husband with Depression but I see that he has undiagnosed Bipolar.

His manic periods I see as just very extreme versions of how he already feels. His lows are extreme reactions to how he feels too. In other words the things that trigger his lows I can understand why anyone would be upset or even angry as a reaction but my husbands reactions are an OVER-reaction. If he is on a high and wants to buy and do unaffordable things I see it as him too. I know he loves me but I dont get carried along with his extremes. The hardest thing I find is to see it as it is, for what it is.....Even people without mental health issues can do and behave in a way that is not genuine. So I see it and make judgement in the moment....

Having said all that, there are many reactions to the extremes, I have just spent a lot of time observing and seeing how my husband reacts to understand him. I dont believe there are any two people identical in their behaviour. It is something you could observe for yourself. When you can see what is really happening then you will have a better understanding of where you fit in and how you can help if you feel you can.

Another thought is to ask him about your concerns. Given he has been diagnosed talk to him if possible and hear what is thoughts are. You may not get an answer, or if it is too hard, like my hubby he just does the old stonewalling, but worth a try if he is someone you think nay be able to think about it.

It is a scarey journey, I feel for you, I have felt very alone through my experiences and often put blame on myself. Please dont go there. This forum will be an awesome place to come and see that many are travelling in your shoes. ...and we hear you.

[NikNik]

Happy New Year everyone.

Thank you to @Maple @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @PeppiPatty for getting involved with the last Ask Anything Monday question.

This week's question is:

My partner is experiencing paranoia - originally they talked about their boss watching them and planting cameras around their office to make sure they are doing their job. While this sounds terrible, I thought it could be true (there's some dodgy workplaces out there - and they work at a call centre - so their phone calls are being recording - so cameras didn't seem like such a stretch). 

But now they think there's cameras around our house and our phones are being listened to. As far as I know my partner hasn't had any form of mental illness before - besides some depression years ago.

Is this the the early warning signs of a mental illness?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hello and welcome to the forums .... 😊

Hi @NikNik

From my previous postings, @NikNik knows that this particular question runs a bit close to the wire for me ..... it's my husband who is planting cameras around us ..... not hidden - but in plain view.

In hubby's case there are underlying reasons, which then lead to excuses, for doing so. We travel quite frequently, and he travels even more frequently than us, so managing cameras by remote is part of our security system over the house. Mostly they are external cameras, however in the last 18 months or so, a couple of internal cameras arrived on the scene.

He also has trackers on my and the kids phones ..., which has usefulness at times in terms of understanding where your teens are when they're not at home, or whether someone is safely away from an accident site on a road or something, but there is a heavy control aspect to the behaviour - my hubby has an undiagnosed eating disorder which he is in denial over.

It quickly became apparent to us as the e.d. emerged that it is about control issues primarily, and when e.d. support services referred to it as a mental illness, it put a lot of the associated behaviours into perspective - paranoia about his, and his loved ones, personal safety is very clearly part of it all.

Back to you .... if your partner's boss is using cameras in the workplace, and it's not a jewellery store (lol) then there is a strong control issue in the boss ..... and it definitely sounds like an early symptom of mental illness in your partner to have transferred that concept to your home.

I do know how uncomfortable it is to be wondering how closely your behaviour is being monitored, and I have seen my hubby rewind camera footage at home quickly and easily - read practiced - but it's actually all
about him .... there is an atypical bulimic behaviour attached to his e.d. that he is trying to keep concealed, so that feeds his
paranoia. I can also imagine it feeding paranoia in someone who is under scrutiny.

We are choosing to live with my hubby's condition, having been told that his behaviour is not sustainable and will eventually "spill". The cameras and eating behaviour as are only part of it. In your case you still have the opportunity for early intervention.

Rather than taking him on personally - and I have been advised that the husband-wife dynamic interferes with me being able to teach my hubby in his disordered state - I believe you need to seek support for yourself, including speaking with your doctor, so that a medical intervention can be arranged in some form. The doctor may choose to have you both attend together, or might take your partner's next appointment as an opportunity to make their own enquiries into how their mental : emotional
health is faring.

I hope something of this helps. If nothing else, please know you are not alone in this. Chat with others here anytime for moral support. We will walk with you as you walk with the one you love.

🌷💜

[Jen12]

makes you wonder - when does odd behaviour tip over edge ?

my sister thought people from her past where watching her, following her , yelling at her

she set up cameras - mind you I dont think they ever recorded as she didn't know how to set them up to do it

so all that just seemed odd and if at the time you said- noone is there , you are imagining it  - then that would make her angry and we just went along with it

so like NIKNIK when paranoid behaviour starts how do you stop it before it gets worse

if you say go see a GP - they will say no as nothing is wrong wth me - it is all those poeple out there  out to get me

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome to the forum

Hi @NikNik

I agree with what @Faith-and-Hope, @Jen12 said

also My Husband  is experiencing paranoia , he used to make sure all the windows have locks on them and used to recheck them at night , even though he has relaxed a little bit

he still thinks people are talking about him and he has to be home by a certain time in the afternoons

[Jen12]

Gee
That sounds familiar
My mum did that every night and sweep the floor in a certain pattern
I use to like watching the routine
And she thought people were talking about her
When does odd / normal behavoiur tip over the edge
into paranoia

[Shaz51]

That is a good question @Jen12'

I think  odd / normal behavoiur tip over the edge
into paranoia is when it interferes with your daily living and takes over your whole life

what do you think @NikNik, @Shimmer

[NikNik]

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!

A big thank you to @Shaz51 @Jen12 and @Faith-and-Hope for addressing last week's question.

This week's question is:

I'm feeling a lot of guilt because I'm losing patience with my sister who has social anxiety. She cancels at the last minute, won't try new things and I have to put in all the effort in our relationship (ie: I'm that one calling her, going to her house etc).

While I know she's unwell - I can't help but feel really frustrated and resentful.

How do I stop feeling this way towards her?

[Former-Member]

I empathise with the carer that posed this question.

I read an article  "The 7 deadly emotions of caregiving" which are guilt, resentment, anger, worry, lonliness, grief and defensiveness and I identified with all of them (which did not make me feel guilty but rather I was experiencing the things that go with the territory of being a carer).

I have found personally that being able to cope involved:

1) Understanding the feeling.

2) In understanding, I could then take steps to alleviate the stress it was causing.

3) Like the carer who posed the question, I want to be able to see my husband (and myself) live well in spite of his mental illness. Educating myself about his disorder and finding appropriate ways that I could encourage him to do things that would improve wellness was the first step. Understanding I had to work within the limitations of his illness was difficult for me and acceptance of this released a lot of negative emotions that I was holding on to. 

I have attached a link to this article and a link to an article on understanding guilt.

https://www.caring.com/articles/7-deadly-emotions-of-caregiving

https://www.mifa.org.au/images/Documents/Wellways/XUnderstanding/%20Guilt.pdf