Topic Tuesday - now open: Stepping off the distress seesaw

[CherryBomb]

What sort of things can contribute to a 'safe' space? In line, with @-karma- 's question, can mantras or self-talk help to foster this?

[Former-Member]

Yeah, I'd like to hear if any Forum Members have mantras ...

Or any other things they might do to support self.

[Loopy]

SunnyDaisy, I have found over the years that the tears are hiding in the background and at anytim, without reason, they just burst onto the scene, I have been told that real men don't cry etc. I just look at that person with contempt and say nothing.

loopy.

[Former-Member]

Yeah, the stigma around men and crying is still big @Loopy .  We've come a long way.  Still looong way to the end of stigma.

[CherryBomb]

That's sounds horrible @Loopy ! For me, strength is little yourself feel pain, and sadness, which means crying, bellowing and letting it out. 

I imagine that stigmatising behaviours (like what you describe @Loopy )  can create an unsafe space for people. Are there people in your life that are safe to open?

[Eagle]

Hi @Former-Member 

My personal 'ritual' is to observe things around me to bring me to the present. I have increasingly been able to catch myself when my thoughts go downhill or my mind is wandering. It distracts me and brings me into the moment - if that makes sense?

So for example, right now I would say to myself 'it's raining outside' 'the trees are swaying with the wind' 'I can hear the traffic on the road'

I'm not sure if this is a bandaid solution or is helpful in the long term though.

[Former-Member]

I'd like to offer a technique for managing extreme emotional distress that quite a few peopel have found helpful ... and there is research to support it!

It can help to calm down immediately.

Place an ice cold gel pack or mask over/around the eye for 30 seconds.  It's important that the most senstive part of the face (area underath eyes and above cheekbones) feels the icy water.

Another way to do the above is:

Bend forward over a bowl of icy water.

Hold breath and put hole face in water for 30 seconds.

[CherryBomb]

Interesting strategy @Former-Member 

Can you tell us how it works??

[-karma-]

I think some of the potential changes to the brain after being exposed to trauma is an interesting component, and adds a different perspective, especially when we consider the physical responses associated with trauma, often years later. Anybody done any reading on this matter? I'm thinking cortisol, hypothalamus etc

[Former-Member]

Hey @Eagle , bringing self back to the present moment (especially if it happens to be nature!) is a useful long-term approach.

The more it is practised, the more natural it may seem.

Some people also use this to "observe and describe" an object in precise detail ... eg, the object in front of me is 2.5cm long and approx 5mm wide.  (It may be a pencil, but we don't label it as that, just the fact of what is before us.)  Have heard some great success stories with this tool.   Very grounding, as is your approach.