Topic Tuesday // Staying safe while supporting others // April 18, 7pm AEST

[utopia]

@NikNik. I think it's important for me to avoid particular people - on forum & in real life. *Those that ask for help - but never take it.
*Those who don't try and help themselves.
*Those who drain me of energy
Is that what you mean?

[Former-Member]

I was grateful for your response too @CheerBear  It help to have different thoughts 😘💜🤗

[Smc]

Q.1. Psychologist I'm seeing picked up that I'm more inclined to want to help others than accept help for myself. On the way out from that session I spotted a friend who had recently lost a close family member, and stopped to check up on her. QED or what? So sometimes I have to be a bit strict about assessing whether I should get involved or not. ATM I'm on overload, so I'm hanging around the "social chat" sections of the forum on and off, but avoiding the more serious threads. It is helpful being able to say "Hi, today's good/bad/weird" and know that I don't have to give a twenty point explanation. I'm also trying to be cautious about web pages and news stories that might be too much to take. As much as I like to be aware of the big picture of the world around me, sometimes it's too big.

Q.2 is a bit hard to manage. Daughter with MI calls up when she needs to de-stress, and sometimes it's really hard to finish off the phonecall. Sometimes I find myself half tuning out to try to keep a bit of equilibrium. I feel a bit guilty about not giving her full attention, but at the same time realise I'm doing it to shield myself. Aged parents living a day's journey away are going to see less of me than usual over winter because if I keep pushing myself to visit frequently, I'm going to get to the point where I can't do it. And Q.3 is a bit tied upn with Q.2.

[Spookytookims]

exactly @soul  I think it's that line between it's all fine in theory until you are faced with the dynamic that the other person has different priorities and agendas than you do.  Then it all kinda gets all swirled and iffy.

[NikNik]

Yes @utopia
I think it can be topics, themes, people

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi everyone ... 😊💕

I have come in late too.

Many of you know my situation, and how caring for my husband who is in denial of his illness is impacting, not just on me, but also on the grown children of our family, both those living at home, and the married ones.

We are all at risk of burnout, and certainly we suffer compassion fatigue ... usually dealt with through black humour, (but it's a thing in terms of self-care - it can really take the edge off ....)

I can really see my younger son struggling with both burnout and compassion fatigue at the moment and I have managed to talk him into placing himself into our family doctor's care, because we all need as much outside support as we can gain access to .... in our state our situation doesn't gain recognisitoon until there is a diagnosis over my husband .... 😔

@Former-Member, in my experience, stressors compound, and build, as @NikNik said, and each a point of burnout .... but self-care compounds too .... and this factor is soooo important !!  Even if it doesn't feel like it is amounting to much, it is when each self-care act is added to the next .... and sometimes they are self-care thoughts rather than acts per se ....

Another concept I find that really helps me is the "being your own best friend" concept.  What would you do to try to help to support a friend who is in your own situation ?  Would you take her out for a coffee ?  Then take yourself out for a coffee.  Would you offer to walk with her and listen ?  The go for a walk, and talk within your own headspace as if you were telling a close friend how you feel, and what is bothering you the most today.  Would you sit and cry with her ?  Hug her ?  Then take yourself off somewhere and sit and have that cry .... wrap your arms around yourself (yes, really !!) and apply self-comfort that way.

You matter.

We all do.

[Zoe7]

Q1 What I will and won't engage in - it is important for all parties involved in a 'conversation' to know not only their own limitations but be able to 'read' the situation and be able to respect each other and what is being said - so 'hearing' the conversation, the boundaries that are being set (either stated directly or implied) and responding to the content or stepping away if need be.

[Shaz51]

another one too @NikNik, is tagging someone that may be able to put more insight into what he person is going through

[utopia]

@Smc. I can relate to wanting to help others - but not always myself.

[Pepsimax]

Having boundaries is about being able to say yes or no to things