Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

[CherryBomb]

Good advice @Mindcarers, can you provide some resources/referrals to any agencies that might be particularly useful?

[Mindcarers]

CherryBomb- this can vary from state to state. People can contact the carers helpline where they can be directed to different services. Commonwealth family relationship centres, Relationships Australia and WIRE can assist.

[Former-Member]

There have been times that I have worried my partner might become a homeless person if I leave. How do you prepare for that?

[Sehnsucht]

Hi all.

As a sufferer, I find it is difficult to bring up a conversation regarding "what do we need in place, to help you, should I ever get sick?"

I worry so much that should I begin spiralling into psychosis or and ED or disassosciate, or depression, our lives would go like this:

Partner angry at me crying or behaving rudely/unfairly/'changing'. Partner fail to stop and ask, uh-oh, does this need referring on further? Us splitting, everything a mess.

I got references to see a psychiatrist earlier in year, who was definitely no help either. He turned me away having half listened and we now think having assumed me or my partner drug users. He wrote up that partner managed a gym, when actually he manages a team in a customer service call centre. 
So having done the 'right' thing for only the second time in my life, that being conceding I am somebody who ought to see someone professional ongoing, and actually ready to talk about some confusing things for the first time ever, I have been scared off. It's not my first awful experience in the system.

I really want to try. Where do I go? What do I do? I have had people here on these forums suggest PANDA might be more appropriate or helpful, when asking about coping strategies when parenting as someone with an MI. But I worry that would not be an appropriate answer either. I don't know.

Here's what I do know from past experiences, prior to this relationship:

That while I was unwell at the time, my psychosis hurt a great many people. And I make no excuses for my actions when unwell. I am responsible for my actions, regardless. So while in my more rational mind it hurts me too that I would resist help with strength (hitting, biting, kicking those that restrain or have come near when I am surging with the need to lash at anything like walls or my own head), this doesn't take away the perfectly appropriate hurt of others. 
So I don't resent any who had to step away, and I would hope people would step away when out of their depth. If I was ever to get that ill again, I would hope maybe there was a way for my partner and kids to find a space physically away from me if need be, and to have help at hand when I come back to. But who helps him with that? What is everyone's experience here, as carers?

[Mindcarers]

Carer101- This is an important issue. What makes you think that they become homeless? There are services that can be of help should that happen. You can put a plan in place to help him if that need arises. You may need to acknowledge that they may fall if you leave but that is not your responsibility.

[tancate]

That issue bothers me too. The guilt associated if I decided to leave my partner. What would happen to him. He has no family or friends here and is from another country. Who would look after him if I left, would he get worse? This is part of the reason I stay although I know I have to do what's good for me. Who would be the best to help a carer contemplating leaving their mentally ill partner as far as making sure the mentally ill person would be cared for as best as possible??? 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Mindcarers, @Former-Member

my biggest fear is that if I leave-( which I won`t leave )-- is that  he will end his life

[Mindcarers]

Sehnsucht- you have mentioned a few things in your post. Sounds like there's a lot going on for you. Do you have a support network around you? can you and your family make a plan around that. Maybe a carer service can help you with the plan.

[CherryBomb]

Wow, time has flown by tonight! We got about another 15 minutes in. So if you have some final thoughts or comments, you'd like to share, now is the time to post them. 

[Mindcarers]

tancate- This is a concern that carers raise quite often. There's a range of carer counselling services that can help. The carers helpline can refer people to these services. As a carer your role is to communicate what you need and if that is separation. you may need to point your partner to services that may help them. Carer counselling can help you to navigate these issues.