Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

[Mindcarers]

Hi Carer101 - that sounds like a very practical approach. It also means that because you've planned ahead that you've made a conscious decision to stay, rather than staying because you don't have another option.

[tancate]

Thank you. The carers groups are good for when times are tough but I find going to them too much puts too much focus on a life of caring for a partner with mental illness so I just try to deal with it my own way by working, meeting with friends and family, hobbies, going out, exercise, counselling and meditation for myself. I try to take one day at a time and cherish the good days. Make sure to care for myself before him and I don't enable him and encourage him to do many things for himself. I would not rule out leaving in the future but I'm not in a position to right now. I love him but I have to love me first.

[Jane230]

I would not be able to cope if things stayed the same for the next 4 years. However, my partner and I have discussed his condition and he is getting help and things are slowly improving. I think the word draining describes how I feel perfectly, as being with my partner feels like another extension of my job, where all you do is work. Even though I like my job, and my relationship with my partner, the work involved is quite draining. It is hard to have fun happy times, as well as be excited about the future, and furthermore be proactive about making plans and enjoying life when all my partner can do is just survive the day.

[Shaz51]

Hi @Mindcarers

at the beginning I cryed alot , and even some people said to leave , but Over the years i have tried to pick the right times and throwing in suggestion for my hubby to think about

then I had to step up and do everything which has helped him

[CherryBomb]

Seems like many partners on here tonight find that approaching their relationship with love and hope, while balancing their own needs, and having boundaries is useful. But it also sounds like a tough balancing act!

@tancate you mentioned that you don't enable, and encourage your partner to do things for himself. Can you give us some examples? Perhaps @Mindcarers or others can also offer some advice or examples too?

[Mindcarers]

tancate - That is wise advice about not losing sight of the person you fell in love with. Having hope is an important part in the recovery journey, so it is about trying to take care of yourself as well and making sure your needs are also being met.

[tancate]

Crying is good. It helps heal:)

[Mindcarers]

Hi Jane230 - It is often hard, caring for someone is often an exhausting role. One of the things you need to do is to start building on the things that you need in your life that will help replenish you and fulfil your own needs. It would be good to have a plan so that if you were to look at things in 4 years time you know ways in which to support yourself when things get tough.

[Jane230]

That is fantastic advice! Thank you very much!

[Mindcarers]

Shaz51- That is good that things have been improving for your partner. But it may be time to step back and focus on your needs and perhaps ask them how they can help you and themselves.