Topic Tuesday // Living with BPD - your questions answered // 3 Oct. 7pm - 9pm AEST

[glitterbee]

How do you encourage someone with BPD to seek help?

I HATE HATE HATE it when people try to push me to get help for what they 'think' I'm struggling with. 
my BPD is linked to a fear of abandonment (as many others is too), and when people tell me that I have a 'disorder' or  that I can't 'manage' my emotions and that I need 'help' that makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that people are going to leave me.
But when I've found people who have genuinely asked me what life is like for me, and what I'm afraid of etc, we've been able to figure out what it is that I want to change and that's become my starting point.
I never set out to want to change my behaviours. I just want to make the world less painful to exist in, and I believe that through healing from past trauma and understanding the way in which I interact with the world, and perhaps the reasons behind why I interact with it that way - everything else will naturally fall into place.
I don't like feeling like there's something wrong with me, so if I were to encourage someone else with BPD to seek help, I wouldn't encourage them to 'recover' from their 'disorder', I'd encourage them to heal from their pain and experiences.

[roachy]

Question 2

Don't ask so many questions about what they're going through. Just give them time to tell you what they're experiencing, and let them come to the conclusion that they might need to check in with their professional team.

Being direct can be positive, but it can also be a quick way to make someone feel very isolated...it's almost like a criticism and can exacerbate emotions.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member but surely if someone set their own clothes on fire to elicit help, they would be doing that as an act of desperation because of some internal pain wouldn't they? So whether their clothes accidently caught alight, or they deliberately set them alight, the reason would be to get help with pain. So...wouldn't that still be help-seeking behaviour???

[Shaz51]

Hello @glitterbee, sorry @NikNik 

I am very interested in emotions , do you find you have lack of emotions or over emotions , hope you don`t mind me asking xx

[Determined]

Hi all, late entry here (got ot love daylight saving ... NOT lol)

I am caring for my wife who lives with BPD, looking forward to gaining some insight tonight to be able to better support her. We have been married for 18 years. She has only been diagnosed with BPD in recent years but had issues with anxiety and depression most of her life .

I have been intrested to see the comments re manipulation, particularly @glitterbee s explanation. I have only recently (after living with it for 18 years) been shown how manipulative my darling has been over the years through the support of a councillor.

I want to point out that in most instances I beliece that behaviour is not intentionally or consiously manipulative, more out of fear and wanting to control her enviornment in order to feel safe.

We have made some positive progress over recent months by implimenting some loving boundaries with the support of my councillor. 

[glitterbee]

@Owlunar I'm sorry to hear that you lot your son. 😞
I definitely understand that feeling of needing that constant reassurance that someone loves me.
I'm sorry that he never had the opportunity to fully heal from this.
I hope you've had plenty of support in your loss and know that you loved him all that you could x

[BPD-Cinderella]

I think it's a really tricky thing to do, and if you're not careful the way it's worded will sound like you don't want them to get help for their benefit, but rather that you want us to get help so we're not a burden.

It's also really important to not label our behaviours as our disorder. There's nothing worse than people attributing your logical and reasonable response to a situation as an overreaction because of your disorder.

[roachy]

@Shaz51 ... I never had stable emotions, so I was either really happy, or extremely low and sad. It was always a tipping point either way. It's not a lack, so to speak; rather, it's not having the right emotional responses because we haven't learned, or been taught from a young age through validation (positive validation)... I know that I looked for validation my entire adult life because I didn't get it as a child.

[glitterbee]

@Shaz51 I would say both. I often have an apparent lack of emotions in situations - most situations actually. I don't generally get super happy or super upset etc. 
But when it comes to feeling like I'm going to be abandoned... my world falls apart! But even in those moments, I don't outwardly express a lot of emotions. Its an inward dialogue of desperation that come out in behaviours such as communicating a desire to hurt myself etc.
Something I think that if I were able to cry and scream and express my emotions more, I wouldn't become as manipulative in my communication with others.

[NikNik]

Welcome @Determined - Nice to 'see' you!