Topic Tuesday // Living with BPD - your questions answered // 3 Oct. 7pm - 9pm AEST

[Abs]

Hi hi! I am 29 yo, nd have been diagnosed with bpd for almost 2 years. Still trying to figure myself out. Happy to help where I can. 

[NikNik]

You're all so generous coming here to answer questions and share your own experiences!

Welcome @Abs & @BPD-Cinderella !

[NikNik]

Okay our first question comes from a loved one of someone who has a BPD diagnosis.

How can you best support someone with bpd?

So to answer this - it would be great to hear from you perhaps the top 3 things that you find helpful from loved ones.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Abs @BPD-Cinderella and @roachy, welcome to Forum Land.

I super like your avatar @BPD-Cinderella.

I am a 40 year old woman who was diagnosed with BPD in 1996 when I was 18 years old. It has certainly been an interesting ride thus far.

[Sans911]

Hi all. I've been diagnosed with BPD along with depression, anxiety, complex PTSD. I was diagnosed with BPD almost 2 years ago, and it's really helped me to understand myself better. Now I want to help other people understand my diagnosis how to help, and to not be afraid of someone with BPD. BPD might be a label or diagnosis given to me, but it not all of me, and I'm just a regular person, albeit struggling with life right now, but I'm essentially the same as everyone else.

[Abs]

Patience, most defintely, love and the willingness to learn and understand.

My fiance is the only one who has stuck with me through mania and depression. I have had many people who say 'I totally understand,' but unless you have bpd you can never understand. However, the willingness to want to try to understand is worth so much. I would rather someone say 'I don't understand but I want to,' than 'I totally understand.' 

[glitterbee]

How can you best support someone with bpd?

Ask what my experiences are like and don't judge or shame me for them.

Be really clear and open with boundaries. Unclear boundaries confuse and upset me. 

Allow me time and space to manage my emotions without pushing me too hard to communicate them. I get overwhelmed really easily.

[BPD-Cinderella]

1. Try not to engage when they're angry. We're very good at manipulating, and when someone feeds our anger it's easier to be further manipulative and cruel.
2. Understand that the voice inside our head is constantly telling us that we're unloved and not wanted. We will ask more than once for reassurance.
3. Have clear boundaries and step away if we're too much. Our emotions can be overwhelming to ourselves and others. If you need a breather, take it and step away. Don't hurt yourself to look after us.

[Former-Member]

im not really sure! i think i need people to stick around.. be there in good AND bad times. stick to promises.

[Phoenix_Rising]

If I had some loved ones, I would super like them to stay rather than leave my world. I would also like them to believe that I am always doing the best that I can, even if my best seems chaotic sometimes. Third, I would super like them to be consistent. Changes in rules etc super muddle my brain.

@BPD-Cinderella I am really interested to hear you say that you can be manipulative and cruel. I have been told that I'm manipulative a bazillion times, but I don't know what it means.