Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

[Waterlily]

Thanks Rosie that makes sense. I understand the importance of having the conversation first about my availability as if I suddenly changed my behaviour it could cause issues. Because I work very close to where my daughter lives /works I have made myself way too accessible....it sounds harsh but sometimes the text messages are over the top and not what. I need at work...

[Former-Member]

Hi @Holly, it sounds like yo have been going through alot with your mum recently and her doctor does not sound like he is doing what is best for her at the moment. I am glad to hear that her psychiatrist seems to be on the ball, particularly with her medication.

You can report her doctor if you feel you would like to. A good place to start for this is the Australian Health Practitioners Regulation Agency (AHPRA). You can give them a call and ask to speak with a notifications officer and they will handle it from there.

[LAmour]

I couldn't agree more, Natty967. DBT has been a game-changer for us. Best thing EVER

[olly53]

A complication for me now is my Grandson is telling me how difficult she has been with him and he has got angry with her on occasions. He is 14 years old and of course going through his own growth as a person. He recently told me that he was scared that he would have to look after her for the rest of her life. I have tried to educate him about his mothers illness and have also put him in touch with some support mechanisms. However, my daughter found out and now thinks I am turning him against her hence the onslaught of abuse and mistrust. It is such a dilemma for me as a result.

[Dizzy19]

We are in a very similar position and I feel for you.  It's difficult but I believe there is help out there & although the person with BPD needs to get the help, hopefully we can guide them to treatment.

[seekingrecovery]

My daughter has been diagnosed with BPD,with anxiety depression PTSD - she hates the BPD diagnosis - due to the stigma and preconceived ideas mainly from hospital staff.  I say to her she has Borderline Traits and leave it like that - the people I have met through her with a BPD diagnosis are all quite different and I think as time goes on we will learn so much more about this diagnosis.

[Natty967]

olly53  on the BPD Foundation Australianwebsite there is an info pamphlet for children to explain BPD.  You might want to take a look 

http://bpdfoundation.org.au/images/BPD%20for%20kids_final.pdf

[Rosie4]

Hi @Waterlily 

I can relate. It is incredibly hard to work and juggle the texts and calls, especially the 'over the top' ones that she is probably really stuck in distress with. I can relate to this juggle and have done it also over years. There are never easy, simple solutions.. Blessings. 

[Former-Member]

Thanks for sharing that @Natty967, I'm that will be helpful for many here on the forums. Are there any other books or resources people have read that they have found helpful?

@Rosie4 it sounds like you have set up those boundaries with your daughter well. Sitting down together to make a plan that works well for both of you where you can set your limits as to what you can and cant do is a great strategy and so important for your own wellbeing as well. @Waterlily yes your right starting with having a conversation about your availability is a good start, it can be difficult trying to manage texts while at work. It is good that you have identified this as a boundary for you.

[Natty967]

I am an info hoarder so I have heaps of helpful resources.

one of the good books, especially for families, is by Valerie Poor "Overcoming BPD - A family Guide"

also if your loved one is male, there is an excellent book by Joseph Nowinski "Hard to Love - Understanding and Overcoming the Male BPD"

I also found reading memoirs of people in recovery from BPD. It gives you an insight from their perspective.

Keira Van Gelder - Buddha and the Borderline is excellent  and there is a new book edited by John Gunderson - Beyond Borderline it is a collection of short stories of recovery from BPD