Topic Tuesday // Forming Habits // 17 Jan. 7pm AEDT

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member, I used to exercise for at least an hour every day. And I look back and wonder how and why I realise I made it a habit.
I didn't think about it, I didn't give myself the room to talk myself out of it, I would go every day, even if I only did a bit of stretching. So I reckon that's the key to me loosing weight and getting fit again.

Feel free to ask me in 2, 4 and 6 months time how it's going!

[BlueBay]

Yes spot on @Former-Member, I do struggle with self worth, self esteem confidence. And I think a lot of it comes from my parents especially my mum and me when I was a child.

I will bring this up with my psychologist.  It's just so hard, I do the same with hobbies that I want to do, I start them for a little bit then stop; and then get angry with myself for stopping.

OK, my goal for this week is to go to work for three days and not have a melt down.  Is that a goal? But see there is always a 'BUT' what if I do have a melt down - that's a fail.  OMG this is so not good.

I will bring it up in session. I have so much work to do in therapy.

[Former-Member]

You and all of us @BlueBay!

[Shaz51]

I agree @Former-Member, @BlueBay xx

i sure other would say the same @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

I wonder @BlueBay if @Charli's earlier suggestion of a gratitude journal would be a good habit to form?  You could take attention away from physical goals for a little while (you can always come back to them in a month or so) and develop a really positive mental habit.  As I said earlier, it would then start to shift your perspective more broadly as you start looking for things to be thankful for.  Is that one you've tried?  Studies show that it has a very strong affect on happiness.  Maybe a completely new goal would be good for you.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Memberany tips for things we *don't* want to do?
I have a goal of going to social activities, but I have social anxiety. It's too easy to talk myself out of it cause on one hand I really really don't want to go out. Any ideas?

[BlueBay]

@Former-Member

I've never tried a gratitude journal. I can start one.  And I can write 3 things that I am grateful for each day.

For eg. today I am grateful for

1. Three healthy children I have
2. My son been accepted into police force
3. Eating a healthy meal for dinner

Is that a gratitude list @Former-Member?

I will buy a book and start writing daily.

[Former-Member]

Self-compassion is an important one too @BlueBay.  I bet you don't berate others in the same way you talk to yourself.  So if you do have a melt-down, you can choose to congratulate yourself on the days that went smoothly, learn from the day that didn't, and practice some kindness towards yourself.  That's what builds you up for better weeks ahead.

[BlueBay]

@Former-Member Yes that is another one I need work on.  I don't talk to my friends like I do to myself.  I always listen to my friends and have empathy and am a really nice person - but - not to me. Why? I don't know, maybe in my head I feel i don't deserve it.  I don't know.

OK, i will try what you suggested.  Thanks @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Can you use @Drdoolittle's strategy of asking someone to go with you @Former-Member?  At least the first time?  If there is someone there to help break the ice it can make it easier to go back.  Apart from that, set your expectations of the event nice and low.  Maybe promise yourself that you can leave after 15 minutes if you don't feel comfortable.  Or that you simply have to smile and say hello to one person.  Then you can leave with your head held high.  Next time set the challenge a little higher.  And (even though I advised against it earlier) a reward for attending would be good.  Promise yourself that you have a treat waiting for you afterwards.  

Do you think this would help?