Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

[NikNik]

Great question @Sophie44

[Former-Member]

I sorry but I am tempted to think that allowing someone to "suffer the consequences" has knock on effects. 

[Sophie44]

The other thing that can make it so hard is carer fatigue. We can know the most apropriate thing to do, but just so so burnt out we take the easiest path. 😞

[bigsister]

Thanks David.

He is currently awaiting assessment in hospital and will possible stay in the rehabilitation centre. He spent time on and off there two years ago and was put on medication (anti-psychotic injections) and a CPO. He lived my with parents for 16 months afterwards and was pretty good. No violent behaviour or aggression. Since moving back home and regaining employment, we believe he started using again. It's been a long battle - not something new that we're afraid to bring up with him.

[NikNik]

Absolutely @Sophie44 - looking after ourselves as carers is vital!

[Hobbit]

In order to answer that question, I need to get a little personal.

I was actually a reaI mess. I can't actually say the amount I drank, because I honestly don't know. I was having blackouts all the time, basically intoxicated 24 hours a day, every day. I was having regular seizures, which would end me up in the hospital time and time again. I could basically go for a walk to the shops, and wake up in the hospital.

The last time I was in hospital for 11 days, and the doctors told me I was basically dying soon. So I checked into a rehab, without any real plans of either staying or going. In the rehab, as I mentioned before, I replased quite heavily twice. It was the second relapse I had, when I called my mother and she finally told me that I was a "big boy now" and there's nothing much she can do to help me. I have to say, I hated her for that for quite a while. I don't think I spoke to her for months. But it hit home for me and I went back to the rehab with my 'tail between my legs' and thought why not give it a go? I have nothing else to lose.

Please know that nowadays I have the best relationship with my mother that I have ever had.

I guess everyone has their 'breaking point' or 'rock bottom' as they call it, and this was probably mine. Realising that I had nothing else left. I think the 'rock bottom' is probably different for everyone though.

I think the two lessons that this taught me was acceptance of myself and my situation, and total humility. I still try to have these qualities to this day. It's really what keeps me going.

Sophie, you asked what my family did - does this help at all? Unfortunately, addiction is a long and often nasty road. But once people saw that I was really making an effort, and progressing as best I could, they really just basically lined up to help me!! It was only after I made the effort that I realised how much support I really had.

Hope this helps.

David.

[Jengay]

I can empathise with you totally.  However you need to stand firm as difficult as that may be.  The person often can become quite manipulative as a result of their addiction.  They are on a course of their own and have little regard to those around them.  My son has apologised and asked for help so many times however the pattern repeats itself over and over.  We are battle weary but still have to struggle on. 

[Sophie44]

Yes, thank you. And just as you had your rock bottom place, I wonder if your mother had hers too, which is why she pretty much handed all responsibility back over to you.

[Hobbit]

I think the best thing to do @bigsister, is to really let him know that he can talk to you at any time, without judgement. But you need to set bourndaies. For example, I would not try to talk to someone who is intoxicated for instance. I would make it clear that I am there for them anytime they need me, but only when sober.

[NikNik]

Powerful and insightful observation @Sophie44