Carers Week Live Chat // What do you wish you knew when you were a new 'carer' // LIVE NOW!

[YogaforCarers]

Could you give a little example of someone or something that has helped you do these caring things for yourself? Is it something you had to work out for yourself, did you get sick and realise something had to change, or perhaps you've been motivated by seeing how much better you feel when you do them?

[Kawasaki]

Hi. We regularly go to the gym. It's good for both of us mentally and physically. When having a bad period we'll go our separate ways and I find I can relieve a lot of stress rowing or lifting weights. I feel I can survive the next day when I'm finished and I have a really good sleep that night so I'm definitely better off.

[Kisia]

Yes @MissyDIts really hard to watch when you see the people we care for doing things we dont feel is in thier best interest. Like everyone they also need oppertunities to learn what their symptoms look like, what behaviours this looks like, and when they might be doing something thats the best for their mental health. This does sometimes mean they will do things against what we think it right. When this happens its important we just let them know our worries (even if they dont listen), and stay in contact with the proper mental health workers, like the community mental health teams, or emergency metnal health phone lines so they can step in if it get too serious. AND the main thing - start self-caring.. if things do get difficult you need all the strength you can get and self care is the only way you get that. 

[Janna]

My self-care is slowly becoming part of my daily routine even though I'm often not conscious of it.   I have this wonderful kit of 7 essential oils that represent each chakra - balance, harmony, compassion, expression, insight, cosmic and allure.  Every evening I pick whichever ones I feel I need and get them happening in my aroma diffuser.  I allow myself to sit quietly and enjoy the scent and just relax for as long as I need.  I also ensure that I give myself time for creativity.  I have chosen to walk (to therapy LOL) instead of drive, I've dropped everything and headed out for a massage, rung a friend spontaneously and invited myself over, etc.  These are all little things that I've done in the name of self-care.

[Kisia]

Hi @Kawasaki I totally agree and its so important you've figured out what works for you two personally. One person's self-care strategy does not automatically work for another person. My top self-care strategies include:

- getting outside - if Im really struggling I just simply sit in my back garden - if im in a better place I try to go to a park, nature reserve or the ebach)

- exercise - this isnt always a massive gym session, sometimes its jsut a walk around the block or walking up the stairs at work instead of taking the lift

- having a routine - trying to have something consistant really helps settle my brain, I focus on having at least one thing a week that is consistant regardless of what is happening then slowly build in more things

- gardening - I can focus my attention on something thats not whats going on in life and it really helps

- having a happy movie play list - when Im feeling crap I watch one of my top 10 happy movies and it helps me feel a little better

[YogaforCarers]

And then we find that when we do what we need for us, we're calmer around the person we love. And that means we can see them for who they are, and begin to offer the best that we can - which is not everything we think we "should" be doing. 

Looking after ourselves isn't just good for us, it's good for the person we're caring for too.

[Kisia]

@Janna yep making it part of life is certianly the key, and the little things in life are easier to adopt than bigger more time consuming efforts. 

[NikNik]

Wow - so many self care tips! I like the gym too 🙂 Sometimes I like doing a class (if I'm lacking motivation) or just run it out on the tredmill and get into the zone!

@Kisia , in your message to @MissyD you mentioned talking to the person you care for when you feel like things aren't going well for them and sharing your concerns. They can be really difficult discussions to have... actually, I think we have to have many difficult conversations as carers... to the person we care for, to the treating team etc...

How do you manage those?

[Janna]

Today I had a really busy day at work and brought work home.  I had been sitting on my computer heavily concentrating and then got to a point where I though - ugh I need a break, I can't do anymore.  I then went outside, took a short walk around, sat and enjoyed a cup of coffee in the outdoors, regrouped myself and then went back in to complete my work.  I guess the same principle applies to caring for an individual.  There are times when we just need that break, even if it's only for 5-10 minutes.  It's funny how we get that signal to have a break in other arena's but when it comes to caring for someone it seems to fail us.

[Kisia]

@YogaforCarers yep i totally agree, I find self-care gives me more patience, understanding, sympathy, tolerance and energy to continue to be a carer. It also wards off my mental health getting bad. If we take care of ourselves we also model that its ok and good to focus on our mental health. It helps as then I can challange my mum when she does something thats not good for her mental illness because I can say I dont do things I know are bad for my mental health and can give examples.