Ask Anything Monday!

[Ellie]

I'm afraid I don't have any real feedback at all. I certainly get days when I really, REALLY don't want to have to get out of bed to go to work. I'm sure we all do, but I'm usually fine once I get there. For me it's about making that BIG effort to run through the work day routine starting with my feet hitting the floor.

After 45 odd years with my nose pretty much to the grind-stone in order to keep feeling positive about myself as well as secure a small nest egg, I'm almost over work. I've just spent over a week off with a wrecked shoulder (tripped and hurt it badly on a camping trip) I'm really tossing the idea up of giving work away all together, however I don't have anybody at present. No support at all. My two boys have grown and flown the coup years ago, so for me, giving up work right now could be the end of me. A steep down hill run into a meaningless lifestyle and depression.

I also suffer social and general anxiety, but it's reasonable well controlled using drugs at present.

Kind regards,

Ellie.

[Former-Member]

Good question, and i'm glad that you've been able to ask it. I almost sounds like there might be a pattern to how you're feeling. It might be worth keeping a diary of it and taking it to your GP or someone else to have a discussion about the more in depth details of whats going on for you. 

I get a bit like that, but usually for me its letting everything else go and trying to rock up to work (when i was working...) looking perfect. My depression makes me feel like its too hard to even be bothered brushing my hair at times and housework... impossible sometimes. Things seem just so far out of reach and too hard so i give up at times. For me these are symptoms of my depression, and the more aware I am of what my symptoms are the better I can see how 'bad' i am kind of on a scale so to speak. It helps me know when i really need to reach out as well. So i would say be gentle on yourself and acknowledge that it could be symptoms of the depression and anxiety, causing some of you to feel like you can't face work. 

Maybe try to work on strategies to help you get through those tough times, make agreements with yourself that you can stick to, but give yourself a break if you need to. If you havent spoken to a counsellor i would highly reccomend that you do. You cuold look at websites like beyond blue for some advice and i think they have search numbers on there. Your GP might have some ideas for where to get different types of help. Also make time for you, to look after and nurture yourself. 

Good Luck

LJ

[Rosie]

Hi,

I am SOOOOOO glad you asked this question! Thank you!

I grapple with this all the time, I have seen my psychologist and acutally said "I'm not sure if I'm just lazy, or whether I actually have a disability that affects my work". This was when I was feeling very very anxious all the time (partly to do with being in a new, complex job and partly because I was drinking alcohol during the week and too much on the weekends). We talked through it, and there IS the possibility I have a disability, there is the possibility I have some brain damage. But who at work has noiticed? They haven't spoken to me about it. I have gotten this far into a job and its OK. We talked through drinking and to maybe stop and see if my anxiety quells. It did.

I know I am lazy however. I know that I find excuses to get of work all the time, sometimes I just switch off, sometimes I think I am getting sick again, sometimes I really feel extraordinarily strange being a person who lives with mental illness. And sometimes I overthink things to the extent that I can't function properly. 

But I get by. I'm not sure how - I think sometimes I 'pretend' to be ok in a good old-fashioned case of 'fake it till you make it'. Sometimes I have to switch off my thoughts. Sometimes I take a day, but not more than anyone else in the office in order to appear 'normal'. When I do, my day is usually a psych appointment and gp check up and a walk.

But most people don't absolutely LOVE work. And that is ok. And we all try and get out of it heaps of ways. People chat and procrastinate and look on facebook, daydream and plan their holidays - I guess it is a part of work - trying to get out of it. But when it gets done its satisfying. And my oh my, don't I love buying my own stuff and paying my own way.

From

Rosie

[NikNik]

Thanks @Rosie - what an awesome response.

[NikNik]

@Ellie - thank you for sharing your story. It's always helpful to see that there are others going through similar struggles. I think you raise important points about the role working can have in connecting with others. Something that we may forget when considering employment options.

@Former-Member such great practical advice that we could all take note of.

Thanks all who have responded to AAM so far.. hope we see more 🙂

[AllAboutMissy]

Hi there 🙂

First of all, hello and I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.

I think it's a natural human reaction that we all go through with this sort of feeling. The fact that outside of work things are fine with your family and friends is wonderful and you should feel really good about that.

What sort of work do you do? Do you enjoy it? I think this plays a huge a part in your level of motivation. What's the saying - work to live or live to work.

Finding motivation to do anything can be hard if your heart isn't it and when you are committed to work for someone else - get up, go to work, work for 8 hours (eg) that would be exhausting and would cause anxiety if you're battling with your mind.

Depending on your situation and if your workplace are aware of your health issues, perhaps this is something you could bring up with them, maybe discuss a working arrangement where you have a designated RDO every couple of months.

A lot of employers can be very open to these types of options if it means you are more productive.

It sounds like you are still functioning well, which is amazing though.

Hope this helps.

Missy x

[schultz]

Hi Ellie, you have contributed. That "steep down hill run..." observation is your realization that "same old same old" can be depressing but the alternative can be worse.
Your anxieties are similar to mine & managed similarly---- so thank you for reminding me i'm not a one off.

[NikNik]

ASK ANYTHING MONDAY

It's that time of the week again! The following came to us over the weekend. I think a lot of us will have some really good advice for this member.

A few weeks ago I told a person who was very important to me that I have BPD and they had a very encouraging reaction (e.g. telling me they loved me when I explained my splitting and fear of abandonment)

However, last week I began to go through depressive/self-harming episodes and would arrive at school in a bad mood and they began to ignore me (they knew I wasn't feeling well as I had told them) which made me feel even worse. At the end of the week, I was in a better mood in class and they acted like nothing had happened between us. Later that day I tried to explain that they did not have to be around me, as I know my BPD makes me difficult to be around. Unfortunately, I dissociated during the conversation so I cannot remember her response.

After a stressful weekend I impulsively texted them to say that if they didn't want to be my friend they could ignore me and make a clean break because I couldn't handle thinking they were only my friend because it was convenient (they also have repeatedly told me they have no other good friends at our school). They have ignored me ever since.

What I'm asking is, do people think they stopped loving me or that they took my actions the wrong way? And what should I do in this situation?

[kenny66]

the problem with texting as a way of communicating is that you cannot convey to people the various visual nuances needed in delicate situations.

So make sure your ring them and ask to meet and explain IN PERSON which will allow you to deal with the situation face to face.

Impulsive behaviour is a feature of BPD and from what you say this person already understands  and is empathetic about your illness to a certain degree.

If it were me I would emphasise the value of their friendship and explain that emotional responses within the context of BPD are variable and that's just the nature of the illness.

I have had several instances where I have burned people because of my behaviour when ill. When this happened, I met with them, explained why I acted in that way and gave them some printed information on schizophrenia and the unusual things it can make you do, which mostly they read.

True friendship is difficult to establish and even harder to maintain. Effort is needed on both sides continually to establish longevity.

Meeting in person and being open and honest about what and how you feel is the best way to go in my view.

[Ellie]

Couldn't have said it better Kenny. Text or even email can easily cause confusion of communication. I almost started WW3 with my son once by using a poorly thought out email to convey feeling relating to Christmas. I had to go and see him in person to straighten it out.

I might also add that some of the BPD sites have pamphlets that you can print out which explains the condition. They're generally short and easy to read, so perhaps to give friends a pamphlet might be a good way of communicating how the disorder effects the sufferer.