Ask Anything Monday!

[Bella-2]

First of all, I want you to understand that what you are feeling is completely normal, and you know what, I'm curious why you don't think you deserve all of this love and care. They love you, and WANT to help. A way to combat these guilty feelings may be to write down why they shouldn't be helping you. Write another list as well which tells you why they do help you. People ultimately do what they need to to at any given time, and your family and friends obviously need and want to help you through your times of need. It gives them a sense of purpose while you are rediscovering your sense of purpose. You are worthy, and they are helping you to remember this. How wonderful that you have such loving people by your side. I won't say let go of the guilt, but writing things down will help you understand why you may be feeling guilty.

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone! Thanks in particular to @Bella-2 @myself @utopia for responding to last week's question.

This week's question is:

I have this tendency to cry whenever I need to speak about anything even slightly emotional, even as small as announcing the man of the match at the under six rugby games. It is stopping me from expressing myself in public and makes me feel weak.

My Dad was brutally murdered eight years ago and I am wondering if it is some sort of PTSD or just a part of getting older / having kids etc? I am 48 soon.

Thanks for your help.

[Appleblossom]

You are probably right that it is PTSD.  What a horrible thing to have to carry .. as mourners we do "carry" a load.

Maybe wait a little before put in limelight situations ... For a while I would do the graceful withdrawal .. so not bother people with my grief.

though on the other hand .. sometimes we just have to do it ... my torrents of tears were very easily triggered for many years ... and it is through actually sitting through the tears and doing the role I was in .. in public ... that I eventually seemed to use up the water reserves that were on instant call.  Once I had discharged and expressed again and again .. in that role .. as embarrassing as it was ... over a period of about 5 years .. in that community ... it eased back .. eventually I am more at ease that I will not be overcome by my tears ... to the point that it distracts others.  I did not always want to have to put my feelings forward .. but apparently it was needed.  Due to the current realities of the group with Royal Commission and all that .. I think the issue was bigger than me .. and so it was neceassary for the whole roup anyway ... others came forward with stories etc .. some could give support ...

take care .. on your journey

[Maskedgrief]

Thanks apple blossom, it sounds like you have been through a lot yourself. I find it strange we are so affected by emotional issues given our whole history as a human race has been quite trauma filled. We should really be quite tough emotionally but most of us are quite fragile under our daily tough guy/girl mask. I also find that expressing any sort of emotion, especially as a man instantly loses you respect by your peers/partner.

I appreciate your feedback but can't really stop doing my coaching role so I'll just try and focus on saying things less emotionally charged. It's s shame because at under six age it's all about encouragement and reward for achievement and this does get me emotional because it reminds me instantly of the bond I had with Dad.

If I did need to see someone about this issue can anyone recommend someone in Brisbane?

[RQ1]

Specific trauma therapy - Stat !
I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your father . That is a terrible tragedy - just awful . It is no wonder that at times of high emotion you are bought to tears . Many people are and without having gone through such deep trauma . On a very practical note ... Write down what you have to say - key points or phrases . Stay within THAT structure . You may have always been able to get up and speak prior without a "script" - but maybe that could be helpful ? Practise just sticking with that . Short and sweet . Good luck

[justworking]

seems to take a long time to get to submission page ijusrt feel lost as i was looking for ptsd stuff take care have fun ::

[NewDawn]

Hi justworking, 

Welcome to the forum. I have included some links below that may be of interest in terms of ptsd. 

https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmptsd.pdf

https://www.sane.org/mental-health-and-illness/facts-and-guides/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

https://www.sane.org/media-centre/the-sane-blog/1856-tips-for-coping-with-the-effects-of-trauma

Im wondering if anyone on the forum has some good resources on ptsd or found things that have helped? 

Happy Posting 

NewDawn 

[Iris]

Hi "Just Working" , 

Firstly, welcome to the SANE Forum.  

It can take a little while getting used to the layout of the forum. I have included some links below that may be of interest, as I saw that you were looking for some resources on PTSD. 

https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmptsd.pdf

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htm

https://www.sane.org/media-centre/the-sane-blog/1856-tips-for-coping-with-the-effects-of-trauma

Im wondering what others on here have found helpful in relation to PTSD?

Happy Posting, 

New Dawn 

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest Just Working,

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I go straight into my ideas on your dillema but am very mindful on what you are dealing with. In that having to work, living your life out of work and also.....managing your deep deep grief.

Have you thought of  seeing your Gp on having your daily wellbeing accessed ? For many years, every time I heard the song' Tangled Up in Blues,' would bring up My Mum's cruelty to me and I would just cry and cry. No matter where I was. The Story " The Selfish Giant," by Oscar Wilde would start me off as well.  Since I love that Bob Dylan song and that speficic book, I was crying a lot. Actually I have memories of crying at certain words that would trigger crying as well. 

How would you feel if that Gp suggestted you dealt with you grief with a course of medication and sessions with a profeccional Psychiatrist or Psychotherapist? 

This sounds weird but have you thought of reading beautiful poetry? @Appleblossom writes of being gentle with yourself. I suggest you even read beautiful words, making special cups of tea, If you can afford it; paying for acleaner or Silver Chain to come in to clean your home for a little while, Really, be gentle. It took me a long time to understand that I  needed to be kind to myself when going through any type of wellbeing therapy. 

Thank you for asking this question, my brother was on skype last night and whenever he says : Grandma.  he cries. When you asked this question, I felt a softening inside myself......it's so hard to sort out your own body and reactions when you try to manage your own life, 

Blessings to you, 

PeppiPatty