Ask Anything Monday!

[Shaz51]

Hello there,

welcome to the forum

I agree with @coffeegirl

My suggestions would be too:

Find strategies and activities that calm you down --- what activities do you enjoy , that you can do in these times

See a psychologist to work on your inner thoughts to get a better hold of them

[Bettyboo]

My problem is that i cant cry. Not only in my councillers office but any time.
My husband died in December - no tears!
I so want to howl, but nothing comes

[III]

Hi BettyBoo,
When my Dad died of cancer, at the funeral us 'kids' (so to speak) were all upset and very distraught. But I looked over to my mum who just stood there emotionless. At the time I thought she may have been in a bit of shock still, so I ended up asking about her 'reaction' some days later. She said that for her it was a relief! It was a relief from the months of caring for my dad when he was fighting his cancer, it was a relief from a very long relationship with all the ups and downs and extremes of that life together.
It took me some time to accept that she was not depressed even though (I think) there was a lot of love in the marriage and therefore she could not 'let it out' as is supposedly expected by others, or what we see on tely on a common prime time drama series.

I suppose the question is what do you feel? Are you depressed? Or relieved or possibly still in shock? Decemember is not all that long ago, generally being married means you likely were together for years.
We all handle things such as this in our own personal way. Maybe you had already let go some time before his death and maybe you cried then? Since seeing my own Mum's reaction I don't think its mandatory to cry depending upon your feelings at the time. There is no loss of respect or good or bad way of coping with the loss of a loved one, we are all unique and beautiful in our own way. Maybe he preferred you wouldn't cry and you knew that? These are the things that make a personal relationship that only you and your husband knew together. I hope that didn't make you cry.

[Melstar71]

The one thing my counselor told me regarding facebook that always stuck in my head was imagine a duck swimming in a pond. Peaceful and beautiful up top but underneath the feet and legs are moving fast. In other words photos always look fantastic on facebook but you don't always get to see the scenes behind the photo to get that shot. Hope that makes sense!

[enigma]

I was 'in the same boat'. I established all my better qualities first... you know, we built up a rapport - friendship, intimacy etc and then I told him. He wasn't shocked - just wanted to know more about it. Good luck xx

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone.

A big thanks to @III @enigma @Melstar71 @Bettyboo @Shaz51 @coffeegirl for contributing to last week's discussion.

@Melstar71 - I even used your duck analogy in another thread about social media 🙂

This week's question is:

Depression - next steps while I am in treatment:

Having blocked out / pushed away the very small group of friends I had, how do you reach out, how do you explain?

A couple of those friends are also my work colleagues and boss, I am nervous,embarassed about returning to work because when I left it was obvious things weren't going well.

An option is to leave this workplace but I am worried what my current employers could say to a potential new employer as a reference, do they have an obligation to reveal I was on leave without pay to get help with mental health issues?

[Dogman]

I have an idea what your saying, I spent years running away because I would do that, pushing my friends and family and in the end I found I needed to beable to talk to someone, say; a Psychologist about how you feel and work on some stratages for emproving your self and at some stage depending on how things go with work maybe try talking with your boss ( but only to level that you feel confortable) but running away isn't the answer persay. you will need to be patient and you need to help, like and love your self and then things will start and get easier. if your on meds, try and remember that they are their to help you get your body into the right state to help work on and manage your physical and mental health. one day at a time, 

Dogman

[NikNik]

Thanks @Dogman for your feedback.

We have another question come in today too:

Hi, 

I've recently swallowed my pride and gone to my dr for help with anxiety and depression. I've been on my medication for two weeks now but leading upto the breakdown that lead to this I took unpaid sick leave from work. 

I've been having anxiety attacks at the thought of returning back to work. My boss has just called me up today to tell me that I'm required to attend a meeting tomorrow about my employment. He hinted that I am getting fired. And I'm not sure what to do. 

This increases my anxiety and depression to the point I've been crying all day and am physically sick at the thought of going in tomorrow. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 

Thanks 🙂 

[utopia]

I wonder if this person is a permanent employee or casual. If permanent, he can't fire you for needing time off - although you will still need to show a medical certificate. When my employer hinted they were going to 'terminate my employment', I sent them an email telling them I need more time to organise a representative to attend the meeting with me. I then organised for a union representative to attend the meeting with me.
Regardless, make sure you take someone who you trust with you to the meeting. When we are anxious, we tend not to remember what was said.
I wish you luck

[Kurra]

A Union rep with you is a wise move as your Union rep should be able to arrange legal representation if necessary. Even a letter from a legal beagle saying that they're advising you will have the workplace desperately trying to work out how to jump through the hoops.

Whether you've disclosed your condition or not you are covered by the Discrimination Act.

You are not required to attend this meeting but it is crucial that you advise your boss that you will reschedule the meeting once you have got someone to accompany you to a rescheduled meeting as a witness.

Do have a look at the Discrimination Act as this provides you with considerable protection. Your workplace approved your leave without pay. If they try to penalise you because of the leave without pay then effectively they are at the same time retracting their own approval.