Ask Anything Monday!

[Dogman]

Yes, that is a fantastic comment! Very well said @utopia ..

[NikNik]

Some responses to the first question from our facebook members:

1:

My husband and l have been married for 18 years, and he has depression. Some of my besties suffer from depression, anxiety and/or Bipolar. I hate what stigma does to the ones I love. Many people I have met including family, make assumptions or cast judgement without educating themselves. I educate the uninformed if they choose to listen. If they don't, l walk away. Whether you are the carer or the cared for, be honest and the people that matter will shine through and stand by your side. Don't let anyone harden your heart - you aren't responsible for anyone but yourself.

2:

'hello' is a good start, if they say hello back just keep talking.... those who know the real you will be there, as a mum/wife/daughter carer you get to know when it is a 'not so good' time & you watch/wait, then you say hello first it is a great icebreaker lol, not everyone are drop kicks

3:

 let them go. It's too hard sometimes. When people know I'm bipolar but think I should just get over it they aren't worth my trouble. I'll probably end up a hermit.

4:

How many times have I done this...let me count the ways 🙂 ... My Achilles heel if you like is going on a "social media clean out" with these all these phenomenal reasons in my head, which, are really not reasonable at all, however depending on the story I am telling myself at the time, it is. So, I forewarn folks who may not know I have bipolar disorder, that this may happen, one minute we are friends. next, we may not be. I also allow them to respond how they wish - whether they choose to add me back or not when the episode is over. Sometimes it will be okay but sometimes it wont be. Its what I call collateral damage The ability to let it go and be let go takes a lot of compassion for self and others and its something I have learned to work through and cultivate. I think honesty and transparency is also essential. It is how my husband and I, both with bipolar disorder have stayed married for 12 years and yes, I have unfriended him too! 🙂

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

A big thanks to @Dogman @Kurra @utopia for your contribution to the last question.

This week's question:

Hi there,

I have a partner, I go to work and I have 2 or so other close friends. But I don't like going out if I don't have to. I don't like interacting with strangers (I struggle to talk to the waitress at a cafe), I hate going out in big groups and I don't like meeting new people.

Being this way inclined doesn't impact my life though. Actually if I'm forced to be out and interact, that impacts me in a negative way.

My question is - am I shy, introverted or have social anxiety?

I don't know if I should be seeking help or just continue (somewhat) happily in my bubble?

[Sahara]

Hello,

That is a great question.... what exactly is the difference between shyness, introversion and social anxiety? 

A therapist I was once seeing told me that shyness and social anxiety were actually the same thing, and this was a huge revelation to me.  I have always been shy, my entire life. I became so used to the label that I embraced it. I would coyly tell other people "...but, I'm shy" to explain my lack of participation in just about everything...!

Now I recognise that I have social anxiety and I attempt to do things to overcome it. 

Introversion, in my understanding, is a bit different. It simply means that you find a lot of mental motivation and energy from within your own self. Extroverts rely on being stimulated by others, they require other people to bounce ideas off. In theory, I guess that means that you could have a 'shy extrovert' and a very 'socially involved introvert'? 

If you feel that something is wrong and that shyness is preventing you from enjoying life to the fullest, would you consider seeing a psychologist about it? You say you are (somewhat) happy in your bubble- so I guess the question has to be "Is being somewhat happy enough for you?"

[Shaz51]

Hello

'Welcome to the Forum ,

I go to work and I have 2 or so other close friends  -- Do you work everyday interacting with other people and your close friends

just continue (somewhat) happily in my bubble?  --- this is the question, if you are happy , that is ok but if you are unhappy with the situation then change

[utopia]

Do you feel that not being able to talk to a waitress in a café to be a slight hindrance in living your life?
Being 'somewhat' happy. Is that alright with you?
What about your family members - husband, children? Does it affect them?
Only you can answer these questions honestly. If the answer is no, then you are satisfied.
If the answer is yes, then you will find help through a psychologist.
Be truthful with yourself and you will have your answer. I wish you well.

[NikNik]

'

Hi everyone! A big thanks to @Shaz51 @utopia & @Sahara for responding to last week's question.

This week's question is:

My family and some of my friends are so good to me. They take me to appointments, are there when I'm having an episode and they have even sat by my bed for the night when I'm at my lowest. I am so grateful and lucky to have such support. However, I'm starting to feel really guilty for putting so much pressure and responsibility on them. I know it's not right to withdraw, but I want to because I don't want to upset or inconvenience anyone anymore.

I know this isn't healthy, but what else can I do to not feel this guilt?

[utopia]

You might find it good to write up a list. 2 areas - 1 has your feelings of guilt
The second half has why your family and friends help you.
Section 1 - your thoughts and self talk.
Section 2 - their thoughts and true feelings.
Your section will most likely be easy to fill in. We all have negative self talk going around in our head.
The second section may be a bit harder (at first). Can you recall any times a support person has mentioned why they are helping you? Write it down. If it's hard to remember, call them and ask. Write down their answers in section 2.
You will most likely find that the words in section 2 go something like this;
*I love you
*I want to help you
*I don't want you to struggle on your own
*it makes me sad to think of you coping on your own
*because we are friends / family
*because you would do it for me / have done it for me
*because you are worth it
*etc
Look at section 2. This is the truth. Read this whole section every time you have any guilt.
It worked for me. I'm sure it will work for you.
All the best

[myself]

What would you do if you were caring for someone in your situation?as a carer would you feel like you are doing to much for that person? Would you make them feel guilty?

[NikNik]

A great response from facebook:
It took me years to realise this, but I eventually realised that the reason that my family takes me to appointments and helps me when I'm down is because they love me. During my lowest point when I felt like I just wanted to give up and not live anymore, mum just sat with me and told me how much everyone would miss me, and I realised that it would actually be a lot worse for them if I ended my life than if they had to take me to a few appointments every now and then. I just make sure that I tell them all the time that I love them, and buy them flowers and a coffee every so often to say thank you. Family is forever and looking after each other is what we do. 💓