Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[iamsotired]

Hi everyone,

My husband was clinically diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, bipolar last year. He had a mental breakdown last feb and we have been going to a psychiatrist last may. He has been on different kinds of medication since then but we do not know whether we found the right one yet since his situation has still been up and down. Ever since his mental health issue floated through the surface, he originally cut his full time job to part-time but still coudnt cope so we asked a favor from his company to be on unpaid leave for 6 months. During this time, he was studying to do aged care (was doing IT) but couldnt finish due to his drowsiness in class. Now he is trying to look for a job that is low stress but nothing has come up yet.

So far i am the bread winner of the family and I know comparing with many people my time of suffering has not been long. when it all happened last year i was able to assure him that things are going to be better, but now i cant even convince myself with that. i wonder if i am also suffering from depression because i cry very easily and get irritated by my husband and small things. i know as his wife i am supposed to be supportive and positive but its so hard. i know people's suggestions is to take care of myself and keep my routine. other than work, i spent most of my time with my husband, i dont have many friends or things to do other than work and activities with my husband. I feel my existance is not good for my husband anymore since i also become negative and frustrated towards many things. But i got nowhere else to go because my family are not in this country. We fight almost every day now because im on edge and he feels i am picking fights with him every day and he gets mad. I feel guilty that I cant be the supportive wife for my husband but i also feel no one can help me or us. I cant afford to go to a pshychiatrist as well because my income is only enough for bills, mortage and my husband's treatment. what do i do to stop from myself destroying us both? thanks in advance

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi iamsotired

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment, but hold on, you're not alone.  There are people you can talk to who care, and who understand what you are going through.

Contacting this forum is a great start.  You have reached out to others, and there is a helpline number above if you want to speak to someone in person.  

While our circumstances are all different, aspects of our stories are the same - we have to put one foot after another through the day, we have to find courage and strength to soldier on, but we do it because somewhere within us we know that things can get better than this.

It is a grieving process too.  This was unexpected for you, and there have been many adjustments to make. Be gentle with yourself, and find small things in the day to bring you drops of joy.  It's these things that nourish us.  Pick a flower and put it in a vase or cup on your kitchen windowsill.  Hum a tune that you like and let it get stuck in your head, or play the radio in the background. Wear something that is your favourite colour.  

It might seem that these bits and pieces are too small to make a difference, but small things add up.  Your husband might benefit from some drops of joy around him too.  

Take care.  Stay in touch.

[NikNik]

Hi @iamsotired

Welcome to the Forums - I'm really glad you found us.

It seems like you know that you have to make yourself a priority and take care of yourself, but are finding this difficult.

Just in relation to seeing a psychiatrist for yourself and the income restrictions around this - I would suggest going to a GP. You are entitled to a number of sessions with a psychologist, which is covered by Medicare. It's worth inviestaging - as speaking to someone can make so much difference.

This forum is also a great place to vent and share ideas / experiences with others in similar situations to yours.

There are also a number of Carer community services in local areas - some that come to mind are ARAFMI (google it with your state/locaiton). Also you can call SANE Australia on 1800 18 7263 

Hope to keep "seeing you around" the forums. 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @iamsotired,

How are things?

I echo what @Faith-and-Hope, those little things you do to care for you add up in maintaining your well-being. 

I also think that it might be possible that you're starting to feel burnt out. Carers can experience compassion fatigure as a result of caring for others, while forgetting to care about themselves. From what you've written in yur post, it seems there's not much time (if any) to do things you enjoy.

It might sound simplistic, but doing these types of things can you a sense of purpose outside of your caring role, and it can also help relieve stress.

Let us know how you're going.

I hope you're well.