Lived Experience Forum

[Tarnia]

My partner had been injured at work, got depression and now my 16 year old is also being looked at.
Im Tania, i look after these two and my two young ones 3. And 9.
I dont leave the house as i struggle to comunicate unless its a polight hello.
My life has been full of awful things, these things i struggke with every day.
Im an ex junky ex alcholic, iv hung out with drug addicts motercycle gangs and had vehicle accidents and seen people hurt, iv escaped a violent relationship with the father to one of my boys.
Now with my husband and sober watching him and seeing it suggested he may have ptsd im realising i may not just be an introverted person.
Im kind i help im not an angry person, but i have shut out the phisical world to stay safe in my happy quiet home life. My husband is getting better and im full of helpful advice and pride myself on being there rock.
But . Since my drug adiction and crazyness and after experencing going out with friends at 24. Iv not worked, im to scared nervious and horrified at the idea of wrecking things. I wont get a car licence and i wont try to catch public transport. Im now 40 yrs old. I struggle wanting things clean but lacking motervation. Iv self helped an axiety problem with panic attacks but i can not escape past memories from entering my head and the contrast of here and now and then is so diffrent it makes me feel ill.
So basically whilst iv devoted my life to helping my family and somtimes not doing it well..... iv realised maybe all these years the reason i struggle is maybe because its ME who has ptsd ?

[suzanne]

Hi @Tarnia, that's a pretty significant insight you've just reached and shared.  It never ceases to amaze me at how we can hide from ourselves at times.  I guess it's the iceberg thing - sometimes it's enough to just be dealing with the top 10% of oursevles and our lives.  Digging deeper into the parts that exist below the surface can be pretty challenging.

Any thoughts about what you might do with this discovery?  It's great that you are seeing your husband slowly get better.  Does that give you hope that with time and the right support/treatment you can too?  But I wonder, if you're the rock, will you allow yourself to be helped? 

[Tarnia]

I have no idea what to do. As i said im kinda stuck for transpirt.
We rely on my husband to drive and getting my son to the doctors to hook up a mental health plan is our next step, as the doctors wont come to him unless hes about to commit suacide.
I know iv always been shy or introverted since i was a little girl and all these things i guess just cemented it. He has to go tho because the idea that my child is feeling this way and leaning towards aversion to is worrying me to death. Another me perhaps?
Maybe helping him will help me.
That wont be the first time, hes the reason i got away from a violent relationship. So he wouldnt be hurt.

[suzanne]

It's great that your husband and son are getting treatment @Tarnia. There's certainly comfort to be had in that.  But if you are right about the trauma, then your needs can't always be last.  Could you get the next appointment with the GP, as you'll be there anyway, get your own mental health care plan?  Perhaps you and your son can heal at the same time.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Tarnia you've survived and its amazing you've come through so many issues and great sign of your inner strength.  I was very introverted, shy and submitted to everyone when I was young.  Having children taught me to hang onto their agenda .. and sort it out .. with the teachers etc.  It was a necessary and natural part of being a mother to overcome shyness.

You do sound lonely and catching up with a doctor to get a care plan with a psychologist would help a lot.  Often I cant drive and so am getting around more and more by walking and public transport.  Your littlies are small still but slowly the world will open up.  Maybe it will help your son knowing that your both travelling along similar paths. 

From what I can tell everybody has problems, just some are better at hiding them than others, dont be hard on yourself.  You have achieved a lot already.

[Tarnia]

My kids have. I talk alot moor then i use to. Beter in all sorts of ways now really as back then i couldnt evrn eat in public.
But yes, i may just see a dictor. If i can.