Lived Experience Forum

[Mollymuffin]

Dear Friends

My child died 9 nearly 10 years ago and I felt I dealt with it reasonably well.

My child died in horrific circumstances and court cases lasted 3 years 

I worked aside all the hearings

The result was suboptimal but I accepted it

The man who killed him is now out of prison

The last couple of years my people skills have been suboptimal and a lack of compassion has effected my working life in the health industry 

I have become gruff NOT ALL THE TIME

I have had pts complain about my manner

I was never like this 

It gets worse and Ive somewhat no control of it

It happens when Im stressed and Im stressed very easily

Anyone had the same experience xxx 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Mollymuffin,

First i want to say im very sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a child is unspeakable in any circumstances, let alone these circumstances. I live in fear that something will happen to my children because my ex was violent and his hatred of me has only grown since we seperated. 

I'm glad you have come here and posted all of that because there are so many caring and supportive people here who all have so many varied experiences to share.

I become very withdrawn and hard to reach alot of the time due to my depression and anxiety and perhaps as well because i dissociate easily. And its something that I find really difficult to control. I have always worked up until this year when i had a complete breakdown and just couldnt cope anymore. In someways though taking the last six months off has helped me to focus on my treatment and looking after myself somewhat better. I still have a long way to go though. Having the support of my psychologist and a mental health worker has probably saved my life a few times. I have now found a GP who is genuine in wanting to help and listen.

I dont know if any of this helps... but i think there is hope of overcoming negative feelings and emotions with the right support and help. I know for me Im often not really aware of what is actually causing me to feel so overwhelmed that i shut down at times but working through it with the psychologist has given me so many new insights and understandings into the reasons that i react as i do that i have a bit more compassion for myself as well as developing some control (albeit slowly)

Take care and be gentle with yourself,

LJ

[NikNik]

Hi @Mollymuffin

I'm truly sorry for your loss. It's unimaginable.

@Former-Member hit the nail on the head: there is help out there to manage negative feelings and how those feelings affect behaviour.

Often the hardest part for people is to be aware of the feelings they're experiencing and what behaviour it's causing. You seeing this within yourself and wanting to do something about it is a huge step forward.

Are you currently linked in with a professional - psychologist, counsellor etc?

[SueBee]

Dear Mollymuffin,

I want to say, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I work for The Compassionate Friends Victoria and I know the pain and anguish, not only for the loss of your son but also for the court system and how it can totally affect your whole life. For those who haven't experienced the loss of one of their children and then to have to suffer the agony of the courts and their decision, it is quite easy for them to make judgemnt and not understand. We are here for you, if you would like to make contact with our organisation for further information on our many ways of support, our contact number is 0398884944 or rural Victoria freecall 1800641091 or check out our website www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au

We are here for anyone who has experienced the loss of a son, daughter, brother or sister at any age and from any cause. This is a mutual peer support service.

Warmest regards to you

Sue

[Mollymuffin]

Dear NikNik 

Im a nurse so I deal with people all the time.

I had a couple of pt complaints saying I was gruff

I had no idea Id come across this way AT ALL

I was terminated as I was still in the probationary period

I am devastated because Id never hurt anyone deliberately especially in my professional capacity

I want to  find out how I come across and Ive seen psychologists who all say Im normal 

I must be honest and say I do get tight in the chest and abdomen when things get out of control and no its not cardiac 

I get a little blank at times and have to think harder 

Any suggestions about who I could see I was thinking a communication retreat of some type 

Before my son died Id never had a single complaint against me ever but since then I have struggled with communicating

i am somewhat more outspoken

[Hobbit]

Hi @Mollymuffin

I'm called Hobbit, one of the moderators on these forums. @NikNik isn't on tonight, so I thought I would send you a quuick note instead, it that's OK.

I have read your story, and it's really quite devistating what you have been through. You must have been so very strong to go through all of that, and also all the legal proceeding as well.

I can see how devistating this present situation must be on you. As choosing to be a nurse, you obviously want to help people, and through things seemingly out of your control, you are now unable to do this.

I would like to echo @NikNik's comments - it is a real strength you are showing by identifying what your feelings are and wishing to do something about it.

Perhaps you might like to consider just having some time off, a break? (I don't know if this is finacially viable or not), but I was thinking maybe some time to yourself to just connect with yourself might be a good idea?

I found this coversation elsewhere on these forums call "work and discrimination" I thought you might like to read. Not saying that you have been discriminated against or not, but there might be some little pieces of informaiton in there that you could find useful. You can read it here.

Also, maybe some of our other forum member might have some advice for you - @chemonro @kenny66

I would like to welcome you agin to the forums @Mollymuffin - you have friends here.

Hobbit.

[Appleblossom]

Sorry you lost your job. I guess when our tank of compassion and nice polite manners is empty Its empty. I dont think that is enough to label one's whole self.  Everybody has moments of gruffness or terseness. At least you are honest and trying to be respectful of others.

Personally I find some young girls (20-30), who are sometimes bosses, working out in the community field a little superficial in their understanding of appropriate behaviour.  Some people get away with throwing their weight around in public situations and that does not seem quite fair to me.