Lived Experience Forum

[Cheyenne]

I live with my mother and sister and all three of us have battle mental illness for years. I act as my mothers sole support, she has borderline personality disorder, bipolar, PTSD and anxiety, and there is very little support anywhere nearshore we live, except in the private sector which we can not afford. My dad committed suicide two years ago after a long battle with lupus, we learned after his death that he was terminal  but had refused any treatment for nearly ten years. I am worried that my mum isn't getting over dads death and still talks about joining him, she claims that no one loves her and that Sh is worth more to me and my sister dead than alive. Even though I try to tell her that I love her no matter what, every time I seem to be getting through to her, my sister says something or does something that sends us right back to the start. But I find it hard because of my own mental health issues, primarily bipolar and emotional detachment, so I find myself saying things that I dont mean and struggle to get empathise with the overemotional needs and fear of abandonment of my mums bpd. I just wish that there was more support in the public sector as I feel my mum needs medical intervention but sending her to hospital only traumatises her more. 

[Amanda]

Hi. It can be so hard to find the right support that will benefit you the most.  This is actually the same reason that I joined the sane forums not long ago.  I just wanted to tell you that you are in the right place.  The support through this forum has been the most beneficial advice I have received in a very long time.  Stay strong and don't give up.  

[Mazarita]

Welcome @Cheyenne,

As @Amanda has said, you are in the right place for (at least) some emotional support for what you are going through with your bipolar and life struggles. I too have bipolar and there are others here with the same diagnosis and likely some of the same problems you face with it. There is also the Carers Forum on this same site that may be helpful, especially with your issues around caring for your mother.

I don't have any immediate answers to your situation but understand how painful it must be for you. Do you live in a country area? I'm just wondering why it is so difficult to access publicly funded mental health support where you are. If you are able to give some more details (without compromising anonymity) that may be helpful in thinking of avenues of support you may not have considered.

By the way, either of you feel like getting together online in real time with some other members of the site, we are currently having our virtual Friday Feast. You are more than welcome to join in. If you don't feel like it this week, it's something that happens every Friday afternoon/evening. It's a good way to get to know other members on the site.