Lived Experience Forum

[Grace2]

Recently I just keep losing it. The smallest stupidest things make me so frustrated and I go from irritated to furious and emotional in the space of seconds. Then eventually after screaming and bawling my head off I'll 'calm down' enough to desperately apologise to everyone around me because I can see how upset and frustrated I've made them and I'm really so terribly sorry - I never meant to overreact and I certainly never meant to upset anyone or hurt their feelings, and I just feel so guilty and I know I'm the worst excuse for a person and I'm terrified that eventually I'll push away anyone who cares.

they ask me to just tell them what's wrong so they can help, to tell them what the big issue is that is upsetting me, but there isn't one. I don't know why I'm so stressed, I don't know why I've lost the mostly-in-control reasonable person I used to be, the one who yeah, got overly upset at times, but mostly worked like normal.

Afterwards, when I'm actually calm, I can see quite clearly that there was no problem, that I lost it over nothing, and I tell myself I'll try harder and not let it happen again, I try to focus on the positive things that happen each day and plan how I could stop myself before I get out of hand next time, but then it'll happen again. And I won't even realise until it's too late. At first I'll just feel a little irritated, but everyone gets irritated right and then I'll spiral into this escalating emotional storm. I can't even make it a week.  I'm ruining everything. I'm afraid my marriage is falling apart, I know my husband is struggling at work because he is stressing over this issue and then beating himself up because he thinks that he must have done something wrong or isn't patient enough or something.

And I don't understand how he even manages to forgive me every time it happens and say he loves me.  I couldn't love or live with someone who acts the way I do.

i know something isn't right at the moment, but I don't know what. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want to be a reasonable person. I want to be able to have things go wrong without losing the plot. I want to stop ruining everything. I just don't know what to do. I just don't want to be me. Me is a useless angry crybaby who  wrecks everything happy and makes the people who love her sad.

i don't know how to fix things.

[utopia]

@Grace2. You are not a worse excuse for a person. You are going through something that you don't understand and therefore don't know how to stop.
I'd suggest going to your gp and explain what has been happening. Ask for a mental health plan. It's a simple questionair. But it will pinpoint your anxiety. Once that plan is drawn up - your gp can then refef you to a psychologist - who should be able to help you find the underlying reasons for your flair ups.
Your gp might also want to run a blood test and maybe look into menopause as a possible reason.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. As you say - you can't seem to control these emotions at the moment. I wonder when the rage comes, if you may be able to go to another room and rage at a pillow. Sounds strange, but it can help.
Please make an appointment with your gp as soon as you can. It may simply be a case of a hormonal imbalance & can quickly be treated.
Let us know how you get on.

[Rockpool]

Hi @Grace2,

A warm welcome to the forums

I agree completely with everything @utopia has said, there is some really grat advice there! You definitely arent a worse excuse for a person, this is simply something that you do not understand at the moment.  Going to a GP will give you some more direction. It may very well be hormonal or stress related.  Sometimes there are things under the surface that we arent quite aware of.  Making an appointment with the GP as a starting point and then a referral to a psychologist would be a good start for you.

What sorts of things do you do for self-care? Having some "me" time might help if what you are experiencing is stress-related. 

Take care @Grace2 and I look forward to 'seeing' you around the forums again soon

[pip]

@Grace2. I'm concerned about your blood pressure as well as hormonal problems. There is no such thing as 'the worst excuse' for anyone. Perhaps there is some sort of hormone imbalance causing these problems. I would suggest you see your Dr, arrange for some blood tests first to rule out hormone imbalance. Do you experience headaches or anything in particular that you can say would 'set' you off on these tangents. Perhaps you are menopausal, this would explain the mood swings you're experiencing.

[Appleblossom]

Pleez Dont label your 'Me' in that way ... see it as process ... there must have been a trigger but maybe there is too much going on right now to get to the bottom of it.

Gentleigh Bentleigh with you ... I believe things happen for a reason .. tho we might not know it yet.

[butterfly101]

i experience this and i know the pain