Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[skrankz]

I have a friend who I have known for a long while. We are currently both undergoing our final year of schooling and her perfectionist tendencies are leading her to her own self-destruction. She, for as long as I have known her, has been unhappy with her weight; this being said, she has never been overweight or unhealthy. However, in what feels like just months (probably in the last 6 months) she has approximately halved her body weight. I know through personal observation as well as what the many other people who are concerned about her have said, that this has not been done in a healthy manner. She does not eat and works out excessively for increased periods of time. I have spoken to the counsellors at our school, however, they have informed us, that they have now exhausted all resources and done all they can without breaching the appropriate perametres of their jurisdiction as a learning facility. Her rigorous study schedule means we do not see her often and thusly, are unsure what to do in regards to talking to her about the condition she so evidently has. My biggest concern, however, lies in her mother. She is, for lack of a more appropriate term, a horrible human being. She demands perfection from her daughter and cares not about her wellbeing. She dictates the life of her daughter and doesn't allow her to do the things she enjoys. Many have said that it is imperative that support for my friend begins with speaking to her mother to ensure a support system is in place at home, however, I feel as if this would not be a successful step, nor a step in the right direction. I am now in a position where, being 17, I have exhausted the immediate resources that I possess. I am asking for advice on how one goes about helping a friend when they and their family don't seem to think that anything is wrong.

[NikNik]

Hi @skrankz

I can understand your concern. Your friend is lucky to have you there for her.

It's so hard to get help for someone who isn't aware or willing to seek help. It's in our nature to want to take action and get the person we care for help. While you did mention you don't get to see her much at the moment, just letting her know that you are concerned and you are there for her is the best thing you can do.

One of our partners @EDV (Eating Disorders Victoria) could be a good place to start. They can offer support and information for you. You can contact them on 1300 550 236.

National Eating Disorders Collaboration have some great resources for families and friends. There's also the Butterfly Foundation

It's likely, as you have flagged, that her disordered eating and weight loss are connected to other matters going on with her life, but I hope the referrals above are a good starting point.

These forums are for 18+, but there's a very similar online community at ReachOut which you might find useful.

Please take care of yourself too - the pressure and stress of worrying about someone can have huge impacts on our own wellbeing too.

All the best.

[Chris]

Hi i can understand how concerned you are about you friend. Being seventeen is a vulnerable age in many ways. You are still finding your way in the world. I have a seventeen year old grand-daughter, and there have been lots of issues to work through.

Dont underestimate the value of your friendship, even though you dont see her often. A few suggestions  for you.

Have you tried sending her a text message, just saying you are thinking about her.

Ask her out for coffee

Does she have an understanding relative, older sister brother, grandma, aunt.

I found taking my grandaughter out and let her talk about what she wanted to talk about eventually she started to open up.

Make sure you look after yourself. Talk to the school counselor or someone you trust.

If your parent are supportive maybe ask her over for a meal or study, maybe stay the night.

I think that you are a wonderful caring friend, and its hard  to care for a friend who is obviously in so much imotional pain.

Take care and keep us posted.

[NikNik]

Hey @skrankz

Just wanted to check in to see how you are travelling

Nik