Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mish]

My father has been struggling with mental illness for a long time. He believes he can look after himself, but he can't. He stopped showering, caring for himself, was angry all the time, started developing conspiracy theories and showed some very aggressive behaviour (not physically toward me or my family). He recently turned manic/psychotic, and after trying to get him to voluntarily admit himself into hospital for care and failing; we had no choice but to call for help and have him scheduled. This was absolutely heartbreaking. It's been 5 days, and I'm so exhausted. I'm feeling guilty, angry and scared. Mostly scared because he is a kind, rational person, and I am terrified they will let him out of hospital too soon. He keeps saying he will never forget, and never forgive us. Has anyone else experienced this? I have been told that when in a psychotic episode, the patient often doesn't remember anything. I am terrified he will never forgive us. Or that we've made the wrong decision. I want to know if anyone else has had to do this, and the long-term affects on your relationship. Thanks so much. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

That's not our story @Mish , so I don't know what to tell you, but I can hear your pain, and just want to wish you well.  

[ivana]

I'm sure you'll get many people providing positive stories and positive comments of encouragement but to provide you with a balanced view I'll also state my experience.

My father did this regarding my mother when I was a child and it was the worst thing that could have been done. It caused much distress,both for my mum and for the whole family and didn't improve her mental health-rather it made it worse.

I understand that families do this due to feeling at the end of their rope, but it is important to engage the persons opinions regarding their diagnosises and illnesses whenever possible instead of forcing treatment upon them especially if they feel they are not being treated with dignity and respect by the hospital/treatment providers.

If you don't mind the question, how old is your father and did his symptoms just come on suddenly or have they been there for years?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Mish

It might be worth mentioning to the psychologist you are seeing on Monday (tomorrow ?  I picked up your other thread) what @ivana has just noted.  The specialists who are dealing with you will have seen a spectrum of circumstances like yours, and like Ivana's, and will be able to give you some guidance as to how to proceed from here.

It is obviously an overwhelming situation and you feel like you have been thrown into the deep end.  I am sure you are doing the best you know how.  See how tomorrow goes.  Keep talking, and keep reaching out.  It's important that you find some stability and develop an action plan.  The psychologist is there to help you all work it out.  They will be trying for a win-win situation that might involve compromises all round, but you will get there.

[Deiann79]

My heart is heavy as read these stories...or what i had left of my heart anyway.

Sadly i have had the same experience as yours, my father was in a very deep psychosis, and was very bitter on our decision to have him "repaired".

We grew up with Dads hatred and failed marriage because he didn't recognise or admit(?) that he was suffering from alcohol and description medication induced psychosis...and we were much to young to understand that Dad was mentally unwell.

After the treatment, (which as you would know is no walk in the park) Dad was properly medicated, and that person whom we knew existed..the witty, humorous and charming man came back. But this time he was calmer, and THANKFUL that we sought treatment for an illness he now admits to struggling with for so many years.

I know how heart breaking this can be for you. I think i went through every emotion in the book, especially guilt.

But i can assure you, that your acting out of love and what is best for your Dad...and you must try to reassure yourself that there is hope at the end of these nightmares.

Thankyou for helping me tell my story. I hope you find some fraction of comfort in my advice.