Lived Experience Forum

[Sunlight]

Since December 2015 I have sank lower and lower and my life has become worse and worse. I first started seeing a Psychologist then but haven't gotten any better. I have severe depression and have tried a few different meds but nothing is working. I have a teaching contract but have hardly been at work the whole year because of my depression and OCD. I already lost my classroom. My psch has recommended that I don't work but everyone else keeps encouraging me to go. I will probably lose my job soon. I am struggling so much. I hate my life. I have no energy or motivation and this has been going on for nearly a year. I just want to die. I have seen two psychiatrists and nothing is working. I need help desperately. Luckily I have supportive parents.

[Mosaic]

Hi @Sunlight welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing. Trying to juggle work with a mental illness can be really challenging at times, and there are times when taking a break is necessary. I imagine being a teacher would make it especially tricky, as you'd have to be so switched on and present in the classroom (can't just be hiding behind a desk!) Has the school been understanding and supportive so far?

Good to hear your parents are supportive, do you live with them or can you just chat to them on the phone sometimes?  Remember you can also contact lifeline on 13 11 14 or suicide call back service in 1300  659  467 if you need another listening ear on those really low days.

Fellow member @Former-Member is a teacher and has had to take time off periodically due to her diagnosis. I believe she has recently started back at work though I am sure could identify with some of your stuggles. Hopefully some other members can jump in and share how they managed work during these difficult times.

We have a 'career chat' every Friday on the Forums between 10am - 4pm EST where we discuss various issues around mental illness and the workforce. You might like to have a read through a few of the past discussions, such as Managing depression in the worplace or Returning to work. Hope this is helpful for you 🙂

Take care of yourself.

[Sunlight]

Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes the school has been very understanding so far but I'm pretty sure they'll lose their patience soon because I've taken so much time off. Also I can feel my colleagues getting annoyed or looking at me weird. I don't know what to do because my OCD triggers are at school so my psych doesn't want me there. And I feel like shit when I'm there and seeing someone else in my classroom but I also feel like shit at home.

I live with my parents and they have been amazing but they also don't really know how to help me anymore. We have been trying everything. I'm just so miserable.

Thanks... I have read those discussions.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sunlight

I will write a bit more later, im tired and not well today physically ugh! I am a teacher, i had to take last year off of work as i became so unwell and just couldnt cope with one more thing going on in my life. I've gone back to work this year and its been a battle. there are days where i just want to lay down and never move again and others where i feel ok. the depression for me makes it so hard to be motivated to do all the after hours stuff (the marking, planning and prep) i'm generally ok while i'm physically with the kids, part of the brain takes over and is happy there or something. But i have a sense of letting the school down with the rest of everything! However my psychologist helps, or tries to get me to challenge the thoughts that i have to test if they're true or not etc. And accepting that at times letting some the balls in the aair fall down (i.e. not getting all my marking done or data handed in on time is ok..) but thats really hard for me. 

I'm sure your experience is different in some ways but i do get the unique pressures that working in schools with kids puts on us.

I hope wherever you are its almost holidays! we have one more week here

LJ

[utopia]

@Sunlight. As I was reading your post - I instantly thought you may benefit from what I did this year.
I got a referral to a private clinic. After the firstfew days there, I got iinvolved and went togroup therapy ssessions. The session topics were all varied - anger management -coping with anxiety - mindfulness - coping strategies for depression etc. I stayed for 4 weeks. These sessions gave me the kick start to really wworking on these coping techniques with my psychologist when I got home. I have made huge progress.
The other benefit was I was given a psychiatrist who changed my meds & I was monitored during this time by him and the nursing staff.
I wonder if you have private health insurance - or maybe you are still on your parents plan.
Just thought this might be an option you may be interested in looking into.
All the best

[Sunlight]

@Former-Member Thank you for your message. It is comforting to know another teacher who has been through a similar situation. It definitely is not easy.

[Sunlight]

@utopia Thanks for your message. If you don't mind me asking what clinic did you go to? At the beginning of the year I wanted to go into a clinic but my psychiatrist talked me out of it. Made it sound like a scary place. Nothing is working. I just need help. Also did you notice improvement after the meds they gave you?

[utopia]

@Sunlight. I went to the Melbourne Clinic. It's private hospital, but WorkCover paid for it, thank god as I don't have private health insurance.
The first 2 days I just slept - was extra medicated as I was not drinking. Thankfully no withdrawals.
Day 3 I attended a group - I think Relaxation or Mindfulness. After that I was more comfortable going to other groups.
I found hospital to be the best thing I've ever done for myself.
It's not easy. It is an emotional ride. But you are supported by some wonderful psych nurses. My nurses were always available for a talk. I talked to them the most. And they would always check in to see how I went in a particular group. There was about 3 times I needed a prn - as I was over emotional or angry. And that was okay.
And once I got out of hospital, I continued seeing my psycgologist. We discussed what I learnt and then continued learning and enhancing those coping techniques.
You know yourself better than anyone else. So you need to decide if hospital/clinic is right for you.
Suggestion - I googled a number of different clinics before choosing the one I did. I was looking at what activities / groups they offered and when. So have a look around and see which one might be the best fit for you.
Good luck

[utopia]

@Sunlight. He reduced my AD's and put me on sleeping tablets - as my brain never restedand wwouldn't shut up.