Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[SD123]

Hi,

My dad has had Bipolar Depression for the last 15 years.     It's managed by medication and things have been OK as mum has been there to shoulder most of the responsibility.  Now I think my mum may be depressed for which I am trying to get her to see someone. 

Things in our family reached an ugly head recently with my mum telling me all the things that I do wrong and some things going back to when I was 18 (I am now 42). It was very irrational behavioiur.

It resulted in her not wanting to spend Christmas Day with my husband due to an incident that happended 10 years ago (that we can't remember). 

Dad backed her up when he didn't even know the reason.  A serious of arguments followed and some very disturbing emails from my father to me and he said when I asked him whether he wanted to spend Christmas Lunch with us, his reply was 'No, not really'.  Then followed with an email, saying, "When will you accept that your parents just don't want to spend Christmas Day with you?"

I am looking for help from other people with bipolar parents, does the condition change your personality?  And if so, to what extent?  I am hoping that in some way it does so I can accept his behaviour and not take it personally.

Thank you

[MIFANTCARER]

Welcome to the Sane Forums, when I read your post it connected with me and a similar scenario that has taken place in my life. It is horrible that this is happening especially when it should be a joyous family time, I am sure this is making the whole situation even more difficult.

I do work with Carers in the mental health industry and yes carers too can become unwell from the level of caring that they carry which mean you can see some personality changes and I sadly all I can say is that there is no quick fix to your scenario.

You’re Mum maybe becoming unwell and need support, but she will need to decide to access help herself. All I can suggest is for now you respect their feelings and allow time for this situation to heal, (I know this is a difficult thing to do), but hopefully by letting it go over time it will heal and you may be able to help your Mum access the support she needs. I also suggest that you look after yourself, speak to counsellors, friends and family members otherwise you will dwell and become unwell yourself.

Look after yourself and take care

[Outlanderali]

Hi @SD123

Welcome to the forums!

Sorry to hear about your experiences with your parent, mental stillness can be very complex and at times it is not easy to understand. It is important that you seek as much information as your can about the specific illness for yourself, to may be understand some of the behaviours, not to excuse them, but to get a better understanding, 

You have started in a good place here, there are many on the forum who has experiences similar situations with people they care for, so I am sure they will all have some advice to give.

Welcome again, and thanks for sharing your story

Outlanderali. 

[Zahlia]

Hi @SD123 !

After reading your post I felt a great sense of sadness, that a parent can say that to their child 😞
You sound like such a strong person - trying to get your mum help, and trying to understand their conditions so you don't take what they say to heart. 

I've found some other posts that might be a good read for you -  members have gone through similar situations that you might find helpful. 
Click Here and Here 

Looking forward to connecting with you more in the forums.
Keep up your strength and courage,

Zahlia