Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jack19]

Hi folks. <br>I've just received an email inviting me to "say something about myself" as I've just recently joined this group of forums and have had no input yet. <br>My reasons for joining the forum is (from reading other contributors input) a combination of desperation; needing to know I'm not alone in this predicament; seeking lightbulb moments from just reading others' stories; and being helpful, if I can through my own contributions down the track.<br>My journey to this point with my son's "condition" would take too long to write here - and I'm sure anyone reading this could probably identify with that!<br>As briefly as I can, from woe to go and back to "woe" - here it is:<br>My son has recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder after two stints in a Rehab facility in Sydney (we live in Perth), many, many suicide attempts, non-stop drinking, random and chaotic behaviours, non-stop dramas and the alienation of all close and extended family members - except myself.<br>He is a wonderful, loving, caring and beautiful person with a brilliant mind - but will not listen to any "advice" regarding treatment for BPD or his alcoholism. He is 33 years of age and these behaviours have been apparent since his first year of High School. This "journey" has been a nightmare for him and very challenging for me. Until his diagnosis with BPD I realise that I haven't been handling these ongoing situations/dramas etc very well and have now sought to help in ways that will mellow-out his daily life and eventually "fix" his condition (hopefully through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy and attending Smart Recovery for his drinking problem).<br>As I'm sure anyone reading this could identify with, this "fixing" is not an easy process. I feel that after all these years of dealing with it all, I'm finally recognising that I'm starting to unravel myself. This self-understanding was a shock to feel that I've come to almost a dead-end and that it's maybe just "too hard" and that is another reason I've arrived here on this forum - I just need to read/hear how others are coping and dealing with their own similar situations.<br>Thanks for the opportunity to vent.<br>Regards, Jack

[Sydney]

Hi Jack,

I'm really sorry that you are going through a tough time. I was dealing with a man that had BPD and I was told to read "Stop Walking on Egg Shells." You have probably already come across it but it did help me at the time.

I hope that he will help himself soon. 

xo

[Jack19]

Hi Sydney,
Thanks for your suggestion about "Walking on eggshells". I haven't read it yet but I've ordered it via Amazon. It's on it's way from America and should be here in a few days.
I'll let you know how it goes after I've read it.
I'm glad it helped you with your friend who had BPD by the way.
Cheers, Jack

[Appleblossom]

It is good to hear from a father son pair. The dynamics between mothers and sons is very different. It was good to hear that you kept mindful of your son's potential and caring and brilliant qualities, but it sounds like you have had quite a journey with him.

[Jack19]

Thanks Appleblossom. Lots of strategies and thinking outside the box has helped us on this journey. Sadly, he refuses to recognise that there is a problem - especially with his alcohol consumption. "A day at a time" is a good strategy. Cheers

[Zahlia]

Hi @Jack19 !

Firstly, I just want to give you a warm welcome to the forums and I am glad that you have decided to reach out for support here too, as many carers find it can be difficult to make time for their needs as they always put their loved ones first.

It sounds like you have been dealing with quite a lot over the years, from your son’s suicide attempts to his drinking and erratic behaviour. I can imagine this would be quite exhausting for you, do you have anyone supporting you through all of this? It’s totally understandable you are feeling like you’re at a “dead-end.” When people give all their energy into looking after a loved one, it can start to take a toll on their health, mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s important that you reach out for help when you need it to take some of the stress off you.

I’m sure you have been having a look around the forums, and reading different people’s stories. But I did find some really great posts that you might like reading (if you haven’t already read them!)

This post here has some similarities to your story, and this post here has some great BPD tips for family and friends. there are also some great posts here and here. 

There are also many people who are going through the same thing as you, @Leigh @lep227 @Repunzel63 any thoughts for Jack?

Take care @Jack19, thank you for sharing your story

Zahlia