Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Beryl47]

This is the first time for me in a forum such as this. My son is 21 and has a dual diagnosis mental health depression and anxiety coupled with drug addiction he is on methadone and has been back at home since the beginning of the year. he had a hospital admission about 6 months ago after a sucide attempt he came home and was ok for a short period of time and I see Windows every so often but the rest of the time he has disorganised thinking is not motivated and moody, I suspect he Dabbles in other pills and drugs on top of all this. Anyway after a very recent episode he presented himself to emergency for another admittance of which he is still there they have changed his medication to an antipsychotic and he is fowl with us now blaming us for his admission and refusing to talk to me which he has not done before. He finds the boundaries at home stifling and sees his dad as the problem, I feel he can't stay at home anymore as both of us are a trigger for him and he simply is not getting better. I just hope our health system will help him to feel better. I feel
So bad for him but I am not sure what else I can do. I fear for his future and his life it's very very scary from all angles. We want to support him but don't know how at present I cannot bear to even visit him for fear of what he is going to say to me. Any advice much appreciated

[Sylvester]

Welcome to the Forum and I hope that you find support here with us. I suggest that you read through some of our articles and information on site around guides and resources for families, friends and others caring for someone with a mental illness.  As you know families and friends of people with mental illness can play a critical role in recovery but you also need to ensure they look after your own welfare.

Kind regards

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Beryl47

Do you have a circle of friends and family supporting you ?  Being a carer can be lonely and draining.  It's very important that you view your own welfare as valued as highly as your son's to make sure you can stay as stable and strong as possible.  While you are empathising with him, someone needs to be empathising with you too.

There is a lot to learn about health systems, support groups, and support materials when you are thrown in the deep end like this, and it will take time to feel your way around.  While your son is in hospital he is being cared for, and rather than suffering emotional abuse, however unintentional that might be, this is an opportunity for you to come up for breath.

Maybe see whether there is a pastoral support team at the hospital with someone available to be with you when you visit your son.  He may hold back better with someone else present, creating a buffer for you to still visit, but under your terms.

I hope this is helpful.  It is important that you know other people are listening.  They might not know how to respond, especially if the issues they are faced with are very different from your own.

🌺 Take care

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Beryl47

There is a thread under Looking After Ourselves on the Carers Forum called  "Tired of visiting my partner in hospital daily but feel guilty if I don't????"

You might want to take a look at that.  You will find other people struggling with similar issues to relate to and inspire you.

Be well.

[Beryl47]

Thank you I have tried to call him but he's not accepting my calls which is ok I want him to know that I am here if he needs me but I now longer want to enable the behaviour

[karen1]

Beryl,

Just by calling, you are letting him know that you are there for him. Keep perservring as I think a lot of the time it is about having someone on their side even if they do not know how to recipricate or show appreciation of this. Unconditional support really does provide someone with mental illness with the idea that they are worthy, that someond does care. Keep on keeping on in the every way that is possible 

[Beryl47]

Thank you I will do that again tomorrow but it seems that he simply doesn't want to communicate with me at all at the moment he simply won't forgive me for his admission and speaking to the doctors he sees it as we are tri ones with illness it's so heartbreaking for the family

[amylee]

i hear your pain and yes I know the pain, its huge. it makes life hard to live. I am going through very similar. in the end I have to look after me and let him know I care. my stomach is sick and I feel life is horrendous knowing his pain. its unbelievable hes into this . it hits all families no matter . our family is in the criminal justice but makes no difference. so sad . all the best hugs.