Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[liveinhope]

My 16 year old daughter has just recently been diagnosed with BPD and is really struggling with it.  Tonight when I picked her up from her boyfriend's house she told me that she is thinking of checking herself into hospital as she is really not coping with things and feels like everything is just building up on her like a volcano.  This hurt a lot.  She realises what she is doing and the way that she is snapping at everyone is not acceptable behaviour yet feels unable to control it.  Literally as soon as I walked in the door I jumped on our computer and starting trying to find as many support groups and research information I possibly could so that I can find some way of helping our daughter.  Luckily for us I stumbled upon this Foundation and have already printed out some information for her, filled in the membership form and spoken to our daughter about joining up for the support forum.  I'm just at a complete and utter loss, feeling like I am responsible for her going through this and blaming myself.  Her Psychologist and Psychiatrist both believe her infant years may have been a trigger point as unfortunately she witnessed some. horrible behaviours which is why I now blame myself, but back in those days I didn't have the strength to walk away from an unpleasant situation and felt that I had to stay because I didn't have a choice - when I did realise I had a choice she had just turned a teenager.  

I just wanted to say thank you to those that have previously shared their experiences with their children.  Day by day we as a family unit we will get through this - as we (my new husband and I, together with all our children) keep saying to our 16 year old we are in this together.

[pip]

Dear liveinhope. Firstly, there's no way you're to blame for your daughter's illness. Yes, it's possible her early years have played a part in her problems, but, since leaving the problem behind, I'm sure you've been the best mum you could be. My daughter is in her 40's and also saw some pretty horrific situations with my previous marriage. However, I have been lucky in that my daughter spoke to someone who has 'been there, done that' in relation to mental health. This person took the time to encourage my daughter to open up about her feelings of inadequacy at not being able to protect me from the toxic situation I was in. If your daughter receives the same encouragement mine did, I think you'll find she will improve and become the loving, caring daughter she really is. Our children have to be protected, when we can't through no fault of our own, we tend to feel vulnerable and angry. It's fantastic you and your family can support, guide and love your daughter. Best wishes.

[querentxyz]

Your daughter shows wonderful insight to herself and very mature responsibility in recognising her difficulties and wanting to take action, and you can be very proud of such a fine young person.

I think it's good talk about alternatives to inpatient treatment which is sort of a last resort but at the same time, hospitalisation can be good too. Hospital can be a very safe place. My advice to you from my own experience as a previous depressive inpatient is that if you decide to go with hospitalisation, tell your daughter you love her and are always there for her but try to allow her to initiate phone calls and requests for visits herself, so that she can focus on getting the most from the treatment program. That is just my personal experience and it may not be useful to you, you can take it or leave it!

All the best

[NikNik]

Hi @liveinhope

As @querentxyz pointed out, your daughter shows wonderful insight - that can be half the battle!

You sound like a wonderful mother as well - your daughter is lucky to have you. I think a peer support forum is a great idea. For some people, just knowing they aren't the only ones, is helpful.

Have you read much about DBT? Is that something you're exploring? It's a common therapy for people diagnosed with BPD - but different things worth for different people.