Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi sane family, Do you ever wonder how hard to push yourself? How much to 'be kind' to yourself? 'Where 'self compassion' srarts & finishes etc.
I have struggled with depression anxiety most my life and ebb back & forth in functioning. It really bugs me that i can't get my house in order. Staying focused is my biggest problem (going from room to room forgetting where i started) and decision making with each item (chuck it? keep it? where to put it? where do i keep its others? I can't remember? where can i put it that i'll remember? �😕 it? What if i chuck it & end up REALLY needing it later etc etc). I've had the motivation this last 3 days but it looks worse, feels like I'm not getting far & i haven't even got to my girls room.
Do i try have a garage sale or is that beyond me theze days (re huge orgsnisational skills required?
My memory is so shot, even got lost in familiar places twice last year - thought i was getting early dementia but dr says its stress & BPD.
Anyway, maybe some of you OCD guys can give some tips.
This old house is too much for me now (especially the roof & garden) so i gotta clear out to move on before i slowly die chasing my tail alone.
Is this common with depression (to dither so)? And how do i handle it? I can't access ANY practical help. I have thoughts images of torchingTheLot i don't know how else to i'm escape it. I dream of running away in a Winnebago & never coming back.
Can anyone figure out whats going on with me. Everyone else i know keep their homes so much better. Am i being hard on myself or should i keep pushing?

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member

I dont have lots of practical hints though there are books and websites about decluttering.  Do it in a way that is kind to you.  I also worry about getting rid of things I may want.  Decisions. There might be better times to tackle it ... just dive in ... thats my style .. or bit by bit may work for you.

I tend to keep on top of things though am not a clean freak. I deliberately left lots of manila files on my bedroom floor for nearly 2 years .. It was a rebellion .. I can be messy if I want to.   2 neighbours were nasty about my house-cleaning, but I thought they were so superficial and had no conversation apart from whinging about cleaning and gardening .. so what was the point.  It is not an aspect of womanhood I am interested ...to be a clean bitch .. one was into white for purity but was drunk a lot and always abusing somebody. I am usually unimpressed by super clean places .. I look for character.

It sounds as if you were pretty busy when you were studying nursing.

Yes it is hard to know how hard to push ourselves. You know your own limits best.

I have been busy a lot in my life, so I am pretty clear that laziness wasnt my problem ..

Take care

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

I have trouble keeping my house clean; motivation to do things around the house and then i will start somewhere and move on to something else forgetting where i originally was.

For me, when i push myself too much I end up sick and that's when i know i have gone too far.  I too, struggle with BPD, depression and anxiety and I struggle to stay motivated.

Can you tackle little by little.  Maybe write down a list of things you would like to do just for one week; not too far in advance and try to set those goals.  Even sorting out which things you would like to put for the garage sale in one spot; that could be a start.  For me I need to do little things; not too many big things otherwise I get too overwhelmed and then don't do any of it.

Oh I am like you - dream of running away and never coming back!!! 

Stress, BPD and depression can take a toll on our lives and it's sometimes hard to get back on track.  But slowly slowly things will get better.  Just take one day at a time; don't worry about the whole 'big picture' just try to concentrate on one little thing at a time.

Take care

[Former-Member]

Thanks @BlueBay, i cried when i read your message, relieved someone understands i guess, and the kindness. Everyone in my physical world seem so angry & impatient with me - don't know how to rise above it all.
Woke to a weird tx from my brother today (who argues about everything & i hung up on him last he call on my b'day). The tx read:
"Sorry if u got hurt a miss understanding an sensitive time if u want to text your address I can send my story from magazine luv sis"
It confused me, can you understand it?. Makes me cry cause i need family but not the abuse.
Anyway, just wanna say thanks for your tips. I think the house reflects the int caos so we're dealing with that too in our efforts. Know what to do just need reminding & reassurance i'm on rhe righr track.
"ONE DAY AT A TIME" 🙂

[Shaz51]

that is very good advice @BlueBay

One day at a time @Former-Member

Myself as My husband has MI , i find it hard as he wants and needs my support and other things get left behind , but I have learnt to do  the basic things as each day is different , Hope I am making some sense

How are you @BlueBay, @Former-Member, @Appleblossom today

[Former-Member]

Hi @Shaz51, must be hard being carer 24/7
Hard to have even little moments to gather your thoughts. I don't have anything pulling me away by my own head. Well, today back trouble is more than i can take & have to rest it a lot. Don't handle pain. But the sorting, think its the decision making, having systems & putting things away.
Went through a box of photos damaged by water, threw away much but saved a lot. Memories of my former life, not all pleasant.
And tore down damaged screen / fence which kept falling apart with the possums night time scurrying about. So the trailer is nearly full again for another tip trip. Guess i AM doing something. Just so confronting & slow.
Been really teary lately & angry (banging things) and talking to myself wish i had someone here to tell me if its within normal limits.
finally dragged myself to a Dr to get a MH Care Plan for psychologist, even made a double apt but she wanted to focus on abdo pain & last blood test & lecturing me for not having pap smear. Told me to reschedule for careplan & some crap about having to also see the nurse (i don't want to see the nurse, never had to before). I'm so sick of it. The nurses in this small town gossip & i just gonna not go. Or go out of town to get it. What a waste of time.
There i go venting again
Rested my back long enough - will try get some more done 😞

[Shaz51]

Hello @Former-Member, sometimes it is hard to go inbetween being a carer and a wife .

yes we live in a small country town too and my hubby does not want to go to the doctors here about his sore back

My hubby has cancelled all his  MH Care Plan for psychologist, he said it is a waste of time , I found it was helping him but because we had so many new people doing his MI care plan  that he doesn`t want to go back

Join the club , I talk to myself too as well as under my breath

Take care and remember to look after yourself like @CherryBomb tells me to do

How was your day today ??

[NegativeNancy]

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm pregnant and miserable right now after having to (choosing to) wean off my antidepressants, so am not actually doing any of what I'm about to recommend below...but I've used this technique in the past and find it's a really non-threatening way to get odd jobs done around the house:

I keep a list on my phone of all the irregular housework jobs that need to be done, or any one-off thing that needs to be done. Every afternoon (again, not doing it now coz I feel so crap, sick, morning sickness etc) at 3pm I'd do a one-hour clean-up of the house—anything that I could get done in that time—everyday stuff like packing the dishwasher, loading the clothes washing, putting away toys, general tidying etc. Having a set time and a time limit means that you know when it's coming, and tend to just get stuck into it, knowing that there's an end time. Then at the end you can just chill again.

So each time I do this "one hour of power", I choose ONE item from the list of irregular jobs and get it done in that hour. This could be stuff like clean the toilet, polish the windows, clean the microwave, fridge audit, mop the floors. When I was doing this, I found that just having that ONE thing to do was easy, quick and fitted in to the everyday clean up no dramas. Better mentally than having this massive list of things in your head that you know you need to do but it all just seems too much and consequently nothing gets done and you just fumble around.

When that one thing is done, you move it to a new list. So you're crossing one task off every day, and each day that thing goes onto a new list, so that when you've used up all the things in the first list, you have a brand new list and you can do it all again. Things that only need doing every month or so (one-off tasks don't need to be added to the new list). I've seen some people do this with two jars and paddle pop sticks, where each stick has a task written on it and as you complete the task you move the stick into the next jar until the first jar is empty and you start again on the new jar.

The other thing I do is keep a small whiteboard where I list all the life admin tasks I need to complete on it. Having it written down and where I can see it every day makes it so much easier than having it all in your head. Every time I think of something that needs doing—renew passport, call vet, pay gas bill etc—it goes on the list. Then if I get a spare second, I can do one of those things. Usually these admin tasks get done while my boy is having his nap and I get some computer time.

Anyway, I hope some of these tips are helpful to you. Best of luck with it! It's not easy to manage a household, so don't be too hard on yourself if you're not meeting the ridiculous standards we see in the TV and magazines and other people's houses. Do what you can. Xx

[Appleblossom]

Sounds like you got a lot done @Former-Member.  You are right about having little systems to stay on top of it. 

Way to go @NegativeNancy I am getting to old for the "hour of power" ... but I love it .. in theory.

[JoJo73]

Hi @Former-Member,

I may have some practical advice/solutions 😁
The rule is: "If you haven't touched it in a year, then it goes."
You need to make 4 groups.
1. Op Shop/Giving away
2. Rubbish
3. Keeping
4. Selling

Hope this helps.
Cheers,
Jo 👍👍👍👍👍