Lived Experience Forum

[Murdels]

So while I was at work an old friend of mine came in (lets call her foxy), bought her drinks & asked me to help take them to her car... I did so but as we neared foxys car I could tell she had relapsed, she asked me if I wanted some (which I declined) , but the seed was planted! I finished work, came home, had a couple of beers with my neighbour, my wife & kids had gone to bed at this stage, so I thought I might message foxy to see how she's going (justifying messaging her) she was still reving, having a good time & invited me over, I looked at the time & thought sure why not? Giving myself all the reasons under the moon why this was a good idea. I got to her house & straight away foxy was asking if I wanted to play (have a shot)? I was 3 parts drunk & feinding, so I said yes.
Now I'm coming down, wondering WHY I did this to myself, now I either have to lie & avoid my wife (she knows when I've been on it) or come clean & break her trust in me... I feel so ashamed. I don't think I can bear having her mad at me at this point... Please help!!!

[Mosaic]

Hi @Murdels

Sorry to hear you're having a rough morning. It's clear you really care about your wife and kids, and feel like you've let them down. It sounds like after a few drinks and people offer you drugs, that is a big trigger for you. You did well to avoid 'foxy's' offer in the moment, but with alcohol in your system and the idea in your head, it's easy to give into temptation. Drinking can really hinder our self-control and better judgement, so it's easy to compromise our values and undo all our hard work in the moment. One thing that might be helpful for the future is to make a list of situations or circumstances that trigger that urge to use drugs (e.g., being under the influence of alcohol, hanging out with old friends who still use drugs). Knowing your triggers ahead of time can help you avoid them, or feel better prepared to handle them and stay in control when they arise. 

It's normal to feel that urge to use, or experience set backs, but it's important to keep your eyes fixed forward to the goal you have for your future. You have our support. 

[CherryBomb]

To add to @Mosaic's great points, remember to put this into the bigger context. One slip in however you've been clean does not mean that you're a failure. It's normal to have lapse. What's important is that doesn't become a full blown relapse. Use this as an opportunity to learn, and put things in place to manage things better in the future. @Mosaic offered some great tips around managing triggeris in the future.

I know you're feeling awful, but keep your head up. As for telling your wife. Be careful about hiding it, as keeping this a secret can also make it easier to lapse again. 

[HelixWays]

For me, alcohol is a drug. If I go for a drink I'd better pack a clean fit, cause I've always found a bag of dope in the bottom of a bottle of beer.

I have to stay off everything mind and mood altering to keep my recovery from drugs above the water. Funnily enough, my mental health is miles ahead when I'm not using too.

It's important to not beat yourself up, but also to learn from the experience. Is getting drunk a good idea, if you want to stay clean?