Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Kato111]

Hi

I am new to this forum. My partner has pretty much been diagnosed with schizophrenia (paronoid schizophrenia I believe from my own research I have done he fits the bill). We have a 1 year old son. This just started with a bang last year shortly after our baby was born. My partner, originally from Northern Ireland was getting severe 'flash backs' of traumatic experiences he had from his childhood, people after him, taking him up the mountains and putting a gun to his head and being accused of things like being a child molester! This all happened when he was 12 and he believed it was real and he had blanked it out of his mind till now. For a year I half believed him and half wondered if it's not true and he is actually delusional. The docs put him on anti psychotics and these made the delusions go away for a while. He stopped taking them and was ok for a while, still having the flashbacks but manageable that he could go about his day to day life. Now it's back again and he's back on the pills and seeing a psychiatrist.

Trying to deal with all this is obviously hard. I also have Crohns Disease and am not very well. My mother and a close friend have told me on a few occasions that I should leave him because the stress of looking after him is going to affect my health badly, as Crohns Disease like most illnesses is highly affected by stress.

I guess what I'm trying to do is read all the info and make a plan (financial and general plan) for the future.

I'm sticking by him (for now) and I'm sorry if this sounds mean but my son is my number one priority.

I don't want to leave my son with him when he's like this. He's no way violent but just not with it at all. I don't think he should even be driving a car when he's like this as his bodies on autopilot but his mind is elsewhere. So I don't trust him to look after our son alone in case something happened to him and my partners not watching.

I work part time and my partner works full time but doesn't earn a lot. Our family are both back in Ireland and we've got a good friend base here (thank god!). Can anyone shed some light on financials for a situation like this should be loose his job.. Do the gov offer disability allowance for mental health issues? Is there anyone here that can suggest what they did to keep themselves financially stable? As I work part time and our baby is in crèche the days I do work, we could not afford for me to be the sole earner and leaving my son home with my partner is not an option to me.

None of this has happened yet, but I'm trying to get some control over the situation by planning ahead and being prepared for what might happen..

[NikNik]

Hi @Kato111

Welcome to the forums!

It's great that you're looking to educate yourself and planning ahead. It's great to get a grasp on all the options.

Can I ask, without giving away too much identifiable information, as the forums are anonymous, what area/state are you in.

That will assist members to give you more tailored advice.

Without knowing the information above, my first recommendation would be to look in the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) which is being rolled out across Australia at the moment.

Welcome again!
Nik

[Attahua]

Hi, I understand where you are at ...at this point in time. My partner has schizoeffective disorder and has just recently been hospitalised... AGAIN which means his income has also stopped. Fortunately for us I work full time and always have done so we manage barely...but we do! When I experienced this for the first time many years ago now when I was working part time I went straight to Centrelink and made an appointment with the social worker. It was the best thing I could ever have done as I was already dealing with so much and the social worker was able to organise payments etc. So if you are able to I would suggest making that your starting point. Best of luck!!!

[Mosaic]

Hi @Kato111

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Fellow member @zipper is a carer to her husband, she started a thread some time ago that discusses the issues faced by wives caring for husbands. I wonder if reading that discussion might also provide some comfort to you that you are not alone in this experience at all.

Yes mental illness can be considered a disability for the purposes of accessing the disability support pension. In saying that, the eligibility has become more strict in recent years. You can read more about eligibility and how to apply on the Centrelink website.

Fellow member @artee has discussed here her struggles in caring for her husband, and I know she worked hard to set up the DSP. She has grappled with the decision to stay or leave her partner too, so you may relate to her situation somewhat. I wonder if she'd be willing to shed some more light on the DSP application process as she mentioned it did take some time to organise? 

Fellow members @Alessandra1992  @lucky @Former-Member  @Shaz51  @cheersquad could possibly offer further support or advice about the DSP? Feel free to jump in guys (or any others) if you know more about this process.

Take care,
Mosaic.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Kato111, welcome to the forum , how are you ?

Hi @Mosaic, sorry , I can`t give much information as my husband is not on DSP and we are not on newstart either as my husband finds it will be too stressful for him

[artee]

@Mosaic @Kato111

You sound like it's really really tough. I get that. Stay or go? I get that too. We don't have children, but I feel I have a child now, a very rude, belligerent child and I am really not able to deal with it very well.

My husband has an acquired brain injury and I got him onto DSP and I am his carer. It was a huge battle at first, because we couldn't get doctors to understand what the problem was - likely because he refused to let me go into the doctor with him and I'm certain he wouldn't have told them the problem, partly because he doesn't understand what his problem is, partly because he can't help but lie about almost everything since his injury.

I finally found a doctor to listen (and there were about 8 before that who didn't listen) and he was sent to to a neurologist who ordered an MRI and diagnosed him. Then a call to Centrelink to get forms and back to the doctor to fill them in. And back to the specialist (all out of pocket expenses at that time), to get a letter for Centrelink. And dealing constantly with a belligerent, paranoid, delusional and negative husband who insisted he wouldn't be eligible so we shouldn't be trying and I was only trying to make him look bad.

They granted me carers immediately without question based on what I told the doctor. And after we resubmitted hubby's paperwork - they lost his and I went through the human services minister's office - he had an interview with a social worker and it was approved.

The thing I can tell you when filling in the paperwork with the doctor is to not try to make anything sound better than it is. We want to protect them, but we can't help them by minimising anything. The paperwork is quite black and white - yes or no, but it's important to stress where your partner needs help. One question was about showering - can he shower unassisted? The choices are pretty much, yes, no or, with some help. Techically, my husband can shower unsassisted, but the doctor wrote "prompting needed" as another option, because hubby won't shower unless I demand he does and even then he argues he doesn't need to. Things like hand washing are the same and the doctor wrote with prompting. For the interview, I didn't remind him to put on clean clothes, brush his hair, clean his teeth, or his face etc. And I sat very quietly and didn't answer a thing unless I was asked a question directly. He kept looking at me and expecting me to answer for him and I let him down. It was a horrible feeling but absolutely necessary that I 'gave him enough rope' as the expression goes.

Hope that helps a bit. Ask if you need more details.

[Kato111]

Thanks everybody for all the comments and advice. I will be going to Centrelink for advise and know what we are entitled too, what our options are etc. at the moment my partner is working and so am I but will be good to know for the future. @artee funny you said that about not showering and washing hands, my partner doesn't do this enough either or wear deodorant unless I remind him he needs to and I have to buy it for him and put one can by the bed and one in the bathroom. It's been like that since I've known him and a few other traits I have noticed since I've been researching schizophrenia make me realise this is not a totally new thing out of the blue. I was away in Perth for the wkend came back yesterday and blew up because the house was a wreck and he told he had gone to a strip club and had a lap dance while I was away! His excuses and answers when arguing about this is like a teenage boy would respond. I want him to move out but I'm afraid he's not at the right place to handle this - it's so hard isn't it, knowing when enough is enough and you have to say no more and loo after yourself and the child and let him or someone else deal with his issues. My mum thinks I should just leave but I don't know, I will be giving him another chance but it's the millionth time so I don't have much hope that things will ever change. I'm going to suggest couples counselling even though his psychiatrist has previously said he's better off not talking about his issues. But the way I was brought up, talking about our problems is the only way to solve them .. I think you are all very brave and must love your partners very much to stick by them through this.,I have Crohn's disease and am currently not well since having my baby last year. I am attending hospital myself for infusions and will most likely be going for surgery later in the year to remove part of my bowel and possibly my uterus. The lack of support from him and the added stress - this is why in my gut I feel I can't take this much longer and need to leave to keep myself as well as possible. He barely acknowledges that I am sick, doesn't help the days I am in pain and can barely lift our son so it's like I am a single mum anyway with a messy housemate who only thinks of himself. Sorry for my rambling!