Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Kaybe]

Hey everyone.
A bit of background, my partner and i have been together for 6 years and have 2 children. Over the years we have had our ups and downs, my partner has been in and out of depression and suffers anxiety but has never had a proper diognosis as to wether it could be more. Over the 6 years i have tried everything to keep him happy, but nothing ever helps even when im catering for his every need. I feel that what has kept me going is having my supportive family close by, but he now wants to move to another state. We love each other very much but have never had a stable relationship as he gets upset over so many things. Like i mean atleast once a day he is overly upset. Im exhausted and now very stressed that he wants me and the kids to move becuase he says it will make him better and that his thinking of our future. Im willing to do it for him but just dont see it lasting. I have money saved up and he wants to use it to buy a business as soon as we get there. But even when i put forward my concerns it starts an argument and feel like i cant say anything he doesnt want to hear. What do it do 😕

[NikNik]

Hi @Kaybe

It seems like a real difficult position for you to be in.

Are there any benefits in it for you at all? Is it an area with more career opportunities, better weather, a good friend etc. 

May I also ask how old your children are? Are they school age? Could you argue that it would be against their best interest to move?

I can completely understand what you feel backed into a corner on this one. I hope we can help you think it through.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Kaybe

My reading of your post says you already know what to do.

It might be difficult and scary to take that step.

Whatever the cause of your partners depression and anxiety may be it is not you. You did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure. You cannot make your partner happy. You do not have to martyr yourself or your children trying to do that.

As long as you feel safe to do so and your want it I would say hold your ground and tell him he can go if he likes but you are not moving. However you would prefer he stayed and sought help for his anxiety and depression.

I think ultimately that we cannot live with somone if we cannot live without them and I do not think that is an unloving attitude to take.

If you lose your support it will only make yourself and your children more vulnerable and will not make your partner happy. There will just be another thing that this time it is it and this time they will be happy but they never are.

This is what I am thinking after reading your post.

If it is not helpful please let it go and listen to someone who better reflects what your instincts are telling you.

cheers,

Carer101.

[Two]

I completely agree with Carer101. Isolating yourselves from the support you have will benefit no-one. Perhaps go to mediation/counselling so that you can put your views forward in a safe environment. I've done that in a past relationship, needless to say I found the strength to do what was best for my kids and myself.