Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

I need to go away.  This is too much.  Everything is just so overwhelming right now. I have just got up and haven't stopped crying, worrying, stressing, too much to think of.

It seems that every week something happens and i get so emotional, overwhelmed, can't cope. it's just too much.  why do i bother? because i care, because i love my kids so much.

It's every wednesday, the day after my therapy session that i feel so overwhelmed, emotional, frustrasted, angry with everyone ilcuding myself.

its a constant battle in my head to want to get better, to fight this but then i also feel like giving up.

can't talk to my husband about this stuff so i feel so alone; trying to fix eveything is not happening and i hate it 😞

[supernova]

Hi @BlueBay,

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so upset today. Therapy is hard work and I’d say it’s okay to wake-up with a heavy-heart the day after a session, gosh you might even feel a bit stirred up for a few days. Trying to dredge up our past and work through our emotions is really, really tough stuff, and you are so courageous for doing so. When you feel frustrated today, please try to remember how hard you are working! I remember a couple of weeks ago you were doing some mindfulness practice, do you think doing a little might help at the moment? Maybe you don’t need to fight with yourself? Maybe there’s a way to take a step back from the battle and just try to hold what’s going on in awareness, without judgement. Remember it's okay to feel how you feel, good or bad, however that might be. And if the emotions are too much to sit with right now, maybe you could do something nice for yourself this morning to change your state a bit? Perhaps a walk, or have a sit in the sun?

Take care,
supernova.

[BlueBay]

I have no choice but be at work. I hate it. I want to be home. My safe haven. Life sucks. Everything sucks. Mood really down. Feels like it will never get better. I am trying so damn hard to fight these emotions. Too much to worry about think about stress about. It's all on me.

[Silenus]

For what it's worth, I'm sending you hugs and calming vibes, @BlueBay. I hope the day settles down for you.

When life is really getting on top of me, I retreat back to the absolute basics...

Breathe.

Repeat.

Breath is life. It sustains me.

Breathe.

Repeat.

Sending a few more hugs your way, just in case you need them. Don't worry about using them all at once, I've got an endless supply. 🙂

[BlueBay]

Thank you so much @Silenus
It means so much to me to have a friend like you on here. I'm trying to stay on top of things at work but I have a terrible headache. I think I need a strong stiff drink !!! Join me?? Lol
I appreciate so much your kindness. Xx

[Silenus]

Hahaha... a stiff drink sounds good.

I'll just head over to the Beer Garden thread and prepare one for you. 🙂

[Decadian]

Hi @BlueBay

I hear you Sadgirl - you are at the end of your tether

Do you feel trapped - as if you have no choice in what you do? I know that feeling myself

It's exhausting to go through therapy sessions. There are days when I come home from having mine and I feel totalled. I often fall asleep - whether I am reading or watching TV - and this whole trauma stacks over into the next day - and when I have had a particularly strong session I can feel wiped out for a week

You may not feel as if this is being courageous - but it is. It's very brave. Many people sit on the edge of life and never go back to where the problems began - maybe they never really look at life - maybe they blame other people - maybe they have never really experienced whatever it is that confronts them - or us

So they don't know - but here you have friends who do know what it's like to go back and look at the dark past - and

I know I sometimes feel that seeing as I can't change the past - and I can protect myself from the people who have caused the ill-feeling in the past - why do I go to my therapy sessions?

Well - these sessions are for me - and I wonder if you know the Serenity Prayer about accepting what you can't change, having courage to change what you can and having the wisdom to know the difference

This might sound glib - but in therapy this is exactly what you are doing - sorting this out

There is very little that will ring true when you are battling in deep surf - you need a life-guard - not philosophy. I get as mad as a hatter when I am told to have a nice cup of tea. My mind rebels - I HATE TEA!!!! - what is the point - how can a cup of tea help me?

Having a good strong drink with Silenus sounds like a good idea to me

So apart from all that rambling - I really can't help much except therapy is no bandaide session - it's really hard work -

Decadian

[Silenus]

So very true @Decadian. I've had therapy sessions where I have made major progress, but it hasn't felt like it at the time. Instead, it's felt like a marathon race, or perhaps a boxing match with just me, myself and I in the ring, circling, ducking, weaving, and alas knowing exactly where to punch so that it hurts most...

Mental health issues are not for the faint hearted. So often, the easy option is to avoid the issues, to bury ourselves in our lives, to self medicate ourselves into a numb mess, heck - anything to avoid facing the pain and the anguish from the past that continues to reach out to adversely affect our present.

I speak from experience there... I've buried myself in work to an unhealthy degree at various times, just to avoid my ongoing life issues and repeating mental health patterns. I've drunk oceans of grog and smoked fields of green, just to avoid facing the person looking back at me in the mirror. I've even tried that unthinkable final step, all to avoid facing my demons.

But mental health issues are like luggage that never gets lost at airports. No matter what you do or where you go, still you carry those bags of crap around with you. And from my experience, they get heavier and heavier the longer you carry them...

Facing difficult truths, digging places you feel you shouldn't, ripping bandaids off, yeah... it's hard work alright. But it's some of the most important work we will ever do in our lives.

Respect to all of us peeps who continue to face our demons in an attempt to either get better or get better at it...

Now THAT's something I'll drink to. Cheers, peeps.

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you all... 🙂

[Former-Member]

Very well said @Silenus!

[Decadian]

Ah yes @Silenus

I really like what you said about the luggage that refuses to get lost

You try so hard to lose it - you take it to Left-Luggage and tell yourself you will never go back -

And you don't have to go back - that luggage grows legs and walks behind you and when you are asleep - it gets into your dreams!!!!!!!

Content/trigger warning

In my experience our dreams are full of memories - some of them are good - have you - or anyone - has anyone else ever noticed that if we are disturbed when we are asleep we are having the best dream we ever had?

But then there are those bad dreams - the bad memories don't go away - they are going to stay there until we do the mental elbow grease thing and Go To Therapy

As much as I feel for everyone else - I am so glad I have found other people who are doing the hard work in therapy - I am not the only person who feels totally scambled afterwards

I believe only the brave take on therapy

Decadian