Hi
I thought some people on the forum might be interested in how I manage my Schizoaffective Disorder and what its like to have it.
Its probably quite similar to a number of MIs but with a bit of a twist. Schizoaffective is sometimes described as Bipolar getting married to Schizophrenia. Their kids turn out pretty unusual!!!
Schizoaffective has the big mood swings of Bipolar along with psychosis, manic behaviour, delusions and hallucinations of Schizophrenia. Its quite an experience really, when you think about it.
Like others it has positive and negative symptoms. Anyway there is plenty of information available on the Internet which goes into the technicalities of the disorder, so I wont describe that.
Day to day the biggest challenge is dealing with the change over from reality to unreality. Its sometimes very difficult to know what is a real experience. So you need to have strategies of grounding yourself so you can have a bit of a checklist of what really happened.
I have a couple of mates who can correct me where I have an unreal experience which I think is real, so you can sort of compartmentalise real and unreal. But not always though.
I hallucinate quite a lot so I can pretty well manage that process now. My hallucinations, including voices usually have a theme, sometimes its really scary and sometimes pleasant and interesting. When I am hallucinating I try and not go out of the house.
For example I went through a period of wearing a stethoscope up to the shops, for whatever reason, maybe a medical thing, I even had a checkout kid think I was a Dr.
Living with Schizoaffective Disorder I don't think is any more difficult than living with any other mental illness. A large part of managing it is to develop a certain optimism about outcomes and keep focused on that.
Because its at the high end of Schizophrenia I guess you do have more admissions, which can be a bit of a downer. However I treat stays in the mental health ward as just another part of the necessary treatment regime, no more daunting than psycho therapy or medication.
I also get to see people with Schizophrenia in there which is a bit of a club atmosphere.
A lot of the symptoms of the disorder are managed by medication which is the cornerstone of treatment. I have never met anyone with it that could manage without medication and I suspect it may not be possible.
It took me three years to come up with the right combination of drugs. Some have side effects so terrible its not possible to keep on them for long.
The medication regime is daunting though I must say. In my case I have a mixture of medications that deal with psychosis and mood disorders and all the other jazz. So you have to take stuff early morning, mid morning, afternoon, early evening then before you go to bed as well.
This is where I get really mucked up and rely so heavily on my F/M to keep me medication compliant. So I think that the medication for it is the worst part even though it keeps you well.
The best part is you have no natural cynicism about people. Its hard to make judgement's about peoples intentions so you just assume everyone is nice.
I am not sure if people with the disorder have the necessary life skills to be judgemental. I think not. So I generally love everyone straight up until I am proved wrong.
Like a lot of Schizoaffectives I have epilepsy and PTSD and OCD co-morbidly. Those conditions somewhat complicate the Schizoaffective symptoms but I think generally shizoaffective symptoms come through most strongly.
I have to say that the Scizoaffective world can be quite beautiful on occasion as some of the altered states can be magical. Its not a world full of darkness only but a crystal light frequently. There can be a softness about it as well.
The real villain within my psyche and my greatest burden is past sexual and physical abuse. I wont go on about it but that one component of the totality of whom I am is devastating sometimes.
I don't think I will ever be able to have a long term relationship with anyone because of it, not in the conventional sense in any event. But apart from that one thing I rock along quite happily usually dealing with the challenges of my illness day to day.
Of course it would be better if I did not have Schizoaffective disorder but I am making the best of the hand I have been dealt rather well I think.
