SANE Forums

[Silvia1]

I am almost 31 and have had my mum with me in my rental for almost 7 years now.

Unfortunately her condition just keeps getting worse and I am at breaking point now.

I want to start living my own life and I can't live with her anymore.

She is on DSP, I took her to the doctor a few years ago to fill out NDIS application but she refused to answer any questions, so it was a fail. 

She just sits in silence at home all day, smoking and drinking coffee, sending me unhinged messages etc, etc.

I can't "force" her to do anything, therefore I'm stuck with her.

What options do I actually have? Who do I contact? How do I get her help?

Im stuck in my bedroom all night after work because I can't even stand being in the same room as her and it hurts me so much that I feel this way.

If anyone has any advice please let me know

[tyme]

Hey @Silvia1 ,

That certainly is a tough one. Seeing you are 'family', and she lives with you, you are most likely seen as her carer. 

Have you spoken to her about how you feel she really need more support than you can give her? Is she well enough to look after herself? Or does she need care all the time?

[Silvia1]

Unfortunately any time I mention further support, or try and speak to her about how her behaviour affecgs me, she shuts me down and tells me there is someone in my head trying to turn me against her. She does not believe she has any mental illness which makes it very hard. 

I don't believe she can look after herself very well. She only eats because I cook for her, otherwise she wouldn't eat. I need to remind her about personal hygiene and also pay her phone bill for her because she wont allow me to put it on direct debit. But she does take herself to and from the doctor to get her injections.

[tyme]

That's so tough. 

Do you think she would cook and look after herself more if you weren't there? @Silvia1 

I'm thinking whether it's more that she wont' or CAN't look after herself. There's a difference.

I wonder if you can speak to her GP about it? The problem is that without NDIS, she can't even get support workers to help her. It's probably worth calling NDIS to see whether they can support someone who clearly needs help but doesn't admit it.

OR, when can she get support as part of old age support... isn't that 60 years? I'm not 100% sure.

[ParadiseFlower]

Hi, I'm new hear. Thanks for sharing. I can relate to some of the things you are talking about. I am 37 and live at my Father's place. My father suffers from Depression. I am working on being able to afford to move out but for now i have to live here. He doesn't want to do the smallest things to help himself, accept for rely on prescription medication, which he takes alcohol with. He treats me like i am his live in therapist and no matter what suggestions i make, he won't listen to even the smallest things. It's very taxing, i also just want to live my own life away from him and feel guilt for thinking like this. I just don't want him to drag me down with him. When i put down a boundary, he will say something snarky, like, i don't care about him. He often tries to guilt trip me. He just came home from a mental health care facility, which btw was only $200 excess with private health carr for 2.5weeks. As bad as i feel for saying this, i wosh he stayed there longer. I was just able to finally have a break and concentrate on my own life for a moment. Anyway, i hope you feel less alone in your situation.

[tacocat]

Hi @ParadiseFlower 

I just wanted to make a quick stop to welcome you to the forums!

Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I seems like you're dealing with a massive amount of stress in your living situation. There's nothing wrong at all with looking after yourself, and wishing you had a bit more peace. 

You have to be ok, before you can take care of anyone else.

[ParadiseFlower]

Hi @tacocat, thank you for the warm welcome. I'm really appreciative of you acknowledging me and my current experience. Yes, hopefully i can figure out a way to put my peace first. 💛