When sleep is my escape

[Daisy1221]

Hello! First time posting here!

I relate to using sleep as an avoidance strategy so much. One of my memories from childhood was looking forward to going to sleep because I thought my dreams were so much better than my reality. Recently I’ve gone from what I thought was “everything going right” to completely self sabotaging and it all falling apart… again.

I’ve now gone back to going to bed as soon as I get my daughter to sleep at 7.30pm. I’ve noticed that it’s been happening so ive tried to stay up a bit longer and watch tv or read a book but those negative thoughts are just way too loud and I end up giving up & going to sleep.

I’ve been diagnosed with GAD but have also suffered with PTSD and, when I was a teenager I had anorexia and depression (although my parents just got angry at me for not eating and never tried to help or get me officially diagnosed / treated).

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago because I’ve felt myself slipping and I’ve been referred to a psychiatrist so I’m hoping to get some answers as I’ve only ever had counseling. The doctor mentioned BPD which I’d never heard of before and when I did a little bit of research I was absolutely blown away by the similarities of the symptoms and how I was feeling. It was like someone had been watching me my whole life and had shared my story/ thoughts on these websites. I’m never one for self diagnosing but it is absolutely uncanny. I’m hoping that my next step in my mental health journey will get me answers so I can stop feeling like I’m on auto pilot waiting for my life to happen.

Anyway, that’s a rather long story on how I relate to your post! I appreciate you sharing it as it’s obviously helped me open up a bit!!