Running

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde said "but it's not like anyone would care anyway, it's not like i have family"

I am saddened by this comment. You already know there are people on Sane that care, or did you say it because you are needing validation?

I have often felt overlooked both on Sane and in real life. It stings but I am learning not to rely on other people to make me feel better. I hope you also find comfort in knowing you are more than what the outside world thinks or says.

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

but you're not here with me, that's what I meant, I'm missing the physical presence of people, online is different.

when church is meant to be family, but frankly, who in my church actually walks alongside me in my day to day. no one.

I came here because I know you guys care, and I know I can rely on you guys, but you're online and in my physical life I don't have that.

Because at least I said something. But now I'm thinking I shouldn't have said anything because then I wouldn't have offended you.

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde sweetie, I am not offended. You're so right, online IS different. It's not the same as having someone there, beside you. I am saddened not because of you but because you don't have that support in real life. 

There should be someone in church to support and help you but there obviously isn't. I wish I could sit beside you and hold your hand.

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

At least my pastor is getting to know me, we've been emailing back and forth after Sunday mornings sermon

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI I wish someone in my actual life cared... I told a few people and I get no response. This is why I don't try. Because they don't care.

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde I understand that. Much as I love my mother she is too self involved to ever ask how I am. The only person who ever showed any concern was my ex friend and she did the ultimate in betrayal so I don't really trust anyone anymore.

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

Can I ask you something

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde of course you can

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

What made you change your mind about me from those early days?

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde I didn't articulate very well in my first interaction with you, and it was put on my heart to speak with love and not what could be (and was) perceived as a negative comment about your circumstances surrounding your church and how it made you feel. 

So I guess I didn't change my mind about you, I got to know you better by reading and meditating on your posts before I replied.

Hope that makes sense xx