who am i- may trigger

[outlander]

Nice profile pic btw
And how r u and thank you for thinking of me

[Owlunar]

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@outlander wrote:
Thanks @Former-Member

I think my mum really does hate me

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I totally understand that @outlander

How do you find yourself and like yourself - gain self-esteem and learn to be the kind of person you want to be when your father is a brief moment in your life and moves on like a loser and your mother takes it out on you?

Tough stuff - I totally understand

There is only one thing and that is time - time does change things - it is the natural order of things not to remain the same

To me - as I have read a couple of your threads this evening - you are so stressed out and had so much smacked into your face through the last couple of weeks - wow - if this is just a sample of your life - this is so rough - not good at all

But you seem to me to be a decent young woman - one I would like to have for a daughter -

Yes - I do understand about your wanting to care for children who are unwanted - it is a good thing to do for the first thing and also - it will help you heal your own past

I have read so much suffering - and know you are boxed in right now

I like you - I honestly like you

Dec

[Former-Member]

Why do you think that? @outlander sorry it's taken me so long to reply. 

[outlander]

@Owlunar the stuff i write really is only a snippet of my life and my rhoughts and feelings.
That includes the bullies
the therapy
caring and family responsibilities.
No family or friend support
Studies
mental illness
physical illness
the horse story if my childhood taken away and its a tease to be able to see her again
All the physical exams ive needed to have and still need to do
The horse falls recently
Hormone imbalances
Appointments
And the list goes on and on and on

Im sick of this life and life at all of this is the way my life intends to be. If im 20 and having this many issues imagine as i get older and things dont work as well as they use to.
@Owlunar that is so sweet. Really it is 💜

[outlander]

@Former-Member
I havent been feeling well at all lateley with a breast cyst burst and infection with high temps for a few dats and i still had to do everything
Today i went to my gp and shes brushing all this stomach pain onto anxiety. So i was going to get a second opinion on this other local gp and so i advertised and asked for opinions on her and my mum was like why do you need another dr youbgave one and youve already changed. I just said i was looking around. I cant take another one.

It feels like my stomach is ready to fully twist itself and then explode. Its not very happy and eating makes it worse sonim limiting that


And yes @Owlunar no one seems to want me

[Former-Member]

Oh @outlander you poor thing you must feel like $h!+ ! Do you have IBS? I have had that since forever and have always been fobbed off by everyone and felt like absolute rubbish. I remember times when I really got a boyfriend to drivE me to hospital because I it felt like my bowel was going to rupture. And even if it is down to anxiety you kind of want to say"ok cool so how do I fix it?!" It sucks I know!! I never really had an answer! 

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[outlander]

Yes @Former-Member if shite even covers it. Im hoping to get through the night as i have a gp appointment tomorrow morning. Im trying hot water bottles at the moment but my muscles are still super tight and i feel yukky and my stomachs growling at me.
I dont know if its ibs. It kerps getting brushed off as stress.

[Former-Member]

Do you take laxatives or anything? I used to and it screwed my tummy up. Now I, ok as long as I don't have onions! Hot water bottle will help. Gut and mind are connected. Remember when you're young and having a "nervous poo"? Everything's Connected. I always had to go to toilet before a soccer game cos I was nervous!! Sorry for too much info xx

[outlander]

Im on anti depressents and mood stabiliser but nothing else only pain relief if need be.
Lol yea inknow gut and mind are connected but this feels different. Atm the hot water bottles arent working but trying to hold off till the morning @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

How's your tummy today @outlander ? xx