@CheerBear Thank you so, so much for your epic, honest & beautiful answer. I knew I chose the right people to tag, but yes, I did hold my breath after for a while wondering if I'd done the right thing. Suicide is such a delicate subject, for those that feel it's suffocating forces & for those who have to endure the agony of those going through it.
I have been fortunate enough at times too to have good professional support. My mh case worker is a case in point. She, and the other case worker that support me regularly right now, get me. They validate my feelings, and allow me to be honest and open without judgement or reservations. And some other health professionals have also been kind & gentle, not probing to deep to prise open completely that Pandora's box, but treating me as a person first & displaying empathy & kindness. But I'm so dissapointed at others who lack these skills, and often because of who I am, and due to having a mental illness, treat me as less than and judge and blame me for my lack of insight and ability to 'fix' my own problems.
I didn't realise that you had children, but I like to think you would be a warm & loving parent; you always have displayed such beautiful human characteristics. And yes, it must be incredibly difficult to have these feelings knowing that you are contemplating leaving behind such precious beings you've brought into this world.
And yes, I realise from moment to moment nothing is the same in a micro scheme, however, my life seems to continue career of course, and threatens to derail completely. Then sometimes at the last second I find a reason to carry on, but more often than not of late, there are few and far reasons. I still seek moments of good in each day, and they are there, but they are so fleeting, and pass through my hands like sand. And I too wish there a was a majic fix, for myself and so many others here on this forum and in the world. What others have to endure at times both shocks me, and yet makes me feel easier if I can help them and myself know that we are here together, travelling in this journey side by side, less alone with our fears and vulnerabilities. I feel so helpless at times, for others & myself, yet I know too, that like myself, sometimes all we need is not to be told how to fix things, yet simply to know we are heard and we are valued.
Thsnks again
@CheerBear. You've said many, many things that I've been unable to say. You've understood what it's like to stand at the edge if life, and feel it's force pulling you under. And knowing you and others are around that I can turn to helps, although it's still extremely difficult to express my feelings and share my experiences for all those fears we have described. Take care of yourself, I reckon a real hug from you would be awesome
❤️💙💚💛💜
