To include or not to include

[Alphabeta]

I have a family member who is depressive, estranged from her kids and grandkids, and often posts suicidal messages on social media. We now have a new grandchild on my side of the family, and the other day I sent a link to photos of the new babe to our large, extended family. The depressive family member professed to be delighted with the photos (which I’m sure was genuine), but then posted more suicidal messages on social media that were obviously triggered by the photos. Should I no longer include her in future photo links? We are a large family, so if I don’t include her she is sure to find out and be upset about not being included. And if I do include her, she’ll most likely become depressive again. Thanks for your thoughts.

[Ainjoule]

Oh @Alphabeta , that sounds like a really tough decision. Have you thought about writing out a pro's and cons list and letting that be the judge of whether you send them or not? I mean I can totally understand not wanting to send them so that the joy of the pictures you send is not overshadowed by someone's suicidal messages. On the other hand is is difficult when you are excluding one person from the photo drop. But you can always explain to them if they ask that you didn't want to cause them further distress. I can understand why you are in two minds. 

[Alphabeta]

Thanks, Ainjoule, much appreciate your reply. I'm currently tending towards excluding the family member from the photo drops; as I don't want any suicidal messages to be associated in any way with the new grandchild. Hadn't thought of the "don't want to cause further distress" option; thank you for that, I'll certainly be using that explanation if ever it becomes necessary. Thanks soooooo much!

[defaultusername]

Hi @Alphabeta,

Thank you for sharing and congratulations on the new bub in the family!

I'm sorry about the difficult situation that you're in, it's tricky not knowing what's the best decision to make moving forward. Perhaps you could explain your concerns to the family member? As difficult as that may be, it may be better than not including them without an explanation. And I agree with what @Ainjoule said so beautifully about explaining that you do not want to cause them any further distress.

Does this family member have any supports around them? As it sounds like she may be feeling a bit isolated or stuck if she is using social media that much to communicate thoughts of suicide.

I hope that things work out for all involved.

[Alphabeta]

Thanks, @defaultusername, much appreciate your reply.

Not sure what supports the family member has. I think we’re all too scared to get too close to her and ask such questions, due to her past behaviour when we’ve tried to help her out. 

[defaultusername]

No problem at all, @Alphabeta. How are you going this week?

I'm sorry that it seems to be an ongoing issue for you all, and I hope that your situation has improved, it's hard with family…